Ella's Blog: Summer Vacation with the Flock
by IndifferentIgnorance
Summary: The flock have come to stay for summer, so Ella decides to write a blog while they're invading her house and eating her cookies.
1. And So They Ascend

**So... first story-like fanfic I've put on this archive...**

**Nothing much to add...**

**Thanks to Chloe to beta-ing...**

**Don't own Max Ride...**

**Review?**

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**You are visiting Ella's Blog: Summer Vacation with the Flock. Welcome!**

**Hits: 0.**

**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Saturday 4:40 PM

Hi, Ella Martinez here. I've never actually written a blog before; I'm not exactly sure what you do. I'll start with introducing myself:

Name: Ella Valencia Martinez.

Age: 13. Finally.

Home: Somewhere in Arizona, United States of America, Earth.

Interests: Eh… Animals. Cute shoes. Family.

Anything else? My half sister and her family can fly. Honest.

I wasn't kidding there, Max has wings and everything. So does the rest of her family, but I'm not here to bring you up to speed on _that_. Go and read the books! I'm here to bring you up to speed on anything and everything that goes on in the Martinez household in the indefinite future.

See, the flock's staying here for a while (no one's sure how long) and since they are the craziest, funniest and downright nicest birdkids I know, I've decided to keep a blog while they're here, so I can record stuff as and when it happens. Fang gave me the idea of a blog, as his is so huge, and I thought I might as well write about something interesting while I was at it. And, since the day-to-day life of a thirteen year old girl isn't actually what you'd label as 'interesting', summer vacation with the flock is the perfect time…

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**You are visiting Ella's Blog: Summer Vacation with the Flock. Welcome!**

**Hits: 15.**

**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day One: Monday 5:10 PM

The flock invaded this morning. I mean invaded. I was just coming out of the shower when a loud "oof" came from the roof (hey, that rhymed!) and a voice said-

"Gazzy! I said aim for the _driveway_, not the _chimney_!" Then:

"Well, guys, we're here! Do you think they're up yet? It's really early. What if they're still in bed?!"

Thankfully mom realised what was going on – the flock was on the roof – and hurried outside to greet them.

"Mom! It's so great to see you!"

"Ouch!"

"Sorry, sorry." Max sounded a little sheepish. I found out later that she'd launched herself from the gutter into mom's outstretched arms. Max is light, but not _that _light.

"That's okay, honey. Come inside, all of you. I made pancakes just now… Ella! Come and meet everyone!"

"I'm getting dressed!" Everyone laughed when I yelled that from my bedroom. It wasn't _funny_, I had wet hair, I'd lost my jeans underneath a pile of washing, and in my haste I'd managed to put my top on back to front. A button up top. The results were painful.

Fast forward twenty minutes and everyone was sitting in the poky kitchen that's really only made for three and a half people, taking up loads of room and munching on pancakes. Those people can _eat_. I mean, I can polish off five easily. I generally want to throw up after, but I can eat five pancakes. The flock can eat _fifty. _Each. You work that out, that's a whole lot of flour. Don't forget Total, who demands his own pancakes as well, (at least ten) and Akila, who thankfully was happy with Magnolia's dog food. I could see grocery shopping becoming a daily activity instead of just a weekly one.

After breakfast I had to take Magnolia out, and everyone minus mom came, insisting they wanted a tour of my town. Tour, my arse… I've read the books; they wanted to do a recon. Or find out where the best fast food places are. Possibly both.

So I gave them the lowdown on everything that goes on in my small, quaint town. The haciendas, the football stadium, my school (yuck), the woods, the mall. Nudge and Angel made me promise to take them there at some point, 'cause "It's, like, got clothes and shoe stores and a fountain and everything!" That was Nudge. Max didn't seem too keen on the whole idea, but I have a feeling Angel will persuade her to come. That kid scares me.

I also pointed out the usual, boring stuff like the hospital, police station, Wal-Mart, etcetera, and Max announced that while they were staying with us, the flock would be doing the same chores as they did in the E-shaped house, only this time they would actually get done. I was like, "Awww," the flock was like, "Ahhh!" He he.

Back home, mom let everyone choose rooms, which made me thank God we'd had an extension put in. Then the girls were all, "I wanna share with Ella!" and mom couldn't refuse, so I had to tidy up so there would be enough room. Then I found a half eaten box of chocolates that had been given to me for my birthday, and Angel, Nudge and Max helped me finish them. Yum.

Next it was 'find the bed sheets and pillows in the attic and assemble them into vaguely bed-like formations' time, which was, ahem, an experience, especially when Total got lost in a pillowcase. He barked like a real dog until we pulled him out, then went on to rant in English about how he should report us to the IFAW company. Iggy pointed out that it would be a bit hard to claim insurance when the claimer was a talking dog.

The 'make a bed without a mattress' part came next, which backfired when Fang broke a pillow. I'm not entirely sure what happened – one minute Fang was doing his creepy silent act while holding a pillow, the next it had exploded and feathers covered my room. Does the guy have acid in his fingernails? Actually, he might….

Lunch was the normal, scary, affair. I won't elaborate.

It's movie time now, and apparently the choice is 'Madagascar.' I love that film, Julian the Lemur is awesome. I have a poster of him on my wall. So, time for a few Fun Facts (!) and I'll sign off.

Word of the Day: Marsala. Dictionary definition: '(mar-**sah**-lă) _n. _a dark sweet fortified wine of a kind originally made in Sicily.'

Fact of the Day: Cows don't have upper front teeth.

Website of the Day: wwwDOToneplusyouDOTcomSLASHbbSLASHfight5 … Thanks Fang!

Video of the day: wwwDOTyoutubeDOTcomSLASHwatch?v=nkZOxNDg1es

Song of the Day: _Bohemian Rhapsody_ – Queen.

Do you guys have any suggestions as to what we could do tomorrow? Max wanted to sleep all day, and I think that's an okay plan, but do any of you guys have any ideas? You'll get a homemade Dr. Martinez Max-would-kill-for-one cookie if you do.

Over and out,

Ella

**Comments**

Fang: You're welcome. Sorry about the pillow.

Max_R: Yes, I would kill for a cookie. Do cows seriously have no upper front teeth?

NuDgE: Woo, mall! Max, YOU ARE COMING.

BlondeAndBeaming: I can help with the stubborn Max thing. Sorry about the pancakes.

Lisssssaaaaa: Go Fang, whoever he is! He reminds me of this super hottt guy I met at school a while back. His sister hated me.

V0iCE: Good things will happen at the mall, Maximum.

I'mNotToto: It was a very dangerous pillowcase, thank you very much. I was checking it didn't have bedbugs.

Gazz: Go Julian! You can thank yours featherly for that. Total, how do you type?

PyrosRule: We can blow up the mall tomorrow if you want, Max. Total, Dr. M's house doesn't have bedbugs, you have lice.


	2. Smash! Bang! Cookie!

**You are visiting Ella's Blog: Summer Vacation with the Flock. Welcome!**

**Hits: 22.**

**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Two: Tuesday 6:34 PM

Julian is remarkable; we're watching _Madagascar 2_ tonight.

After dragging Max out of bed by her feathers, we made cookies. Mucho large ones with frosting and vanilla essence. Max got high on the fumes and started singing _I Don't Feel Like Dancing_ and only shut up when I offered her Valium. Fang almost laughed…

Once the cookies were done and completely devoured, Mom sent us off to buy food.

(See what I meant about shopping becoming a daily thing?). We spent about three hours in there, partly because everyone wanted to go somewhere different to where we already were, and partly because Gazzy kept imitating famous people's voices. I kept thinking 'Oh my God, it's Justin Timberlake!' when Max was all "Gasman! Quit it or you'll be banished from dessert!" I wasn't so gullible afterword (though did you know gullible's been taken out of the dictionary?) even when the Queen of England, Barack Obama, Britney Spears and a slightly drunk Joe Jonas all asked me to go up Mount Everest with them.

Home in time for lunch, where we promptly ate most of the food we'd just bought, and a bit more. Once the washing up was done Iggy and Gazzy built a bonfire with some spare bits of wood left over from when mom's veterinary clinic got done up in spring. The fire reached about fifty feet, with sparks and everything. Don't tell anyone, but I was actually a bit scared. Mom got slightly worried the neighbours would think us all maniacs or something, and Max told her that most of us were. She didn't say who, though…

The rest of the day was spent chilling out in the backyard, eating ice cream. If I'm not careful, I'll put on two stone in a week. Note to self: do exercise.

Uh oh, there's trouble brewing in the form of Total and Iggy arguing. Be right back….

***TWO HOURS LATER***

Sorry about that. Total was chewing Iggy's jeans (the ones he wasn't wearing) and Iggy was threatening to blow him up, much to Akila's disgust. Well, according to Angel, anyway.

Total maintained that he didn't know the jeans were Ig's and Iggy retorted "That isn't the fricking point, idiot, you've put a hole in my Levis!"

Total then decided the best policy would be to run, fast, and Iggy chased him equally as fast, lobbing various objects at him as he went. Don't ask me how. Total even tried flying with those cute little wings he's got, and then smashed into the French windows, which he claims he "Didn't see..." Hmm.

There were then more arguments between various avian Americans, canine Americans and Hispanic Americans, and I got a headache. Two hours later, they're still yelling at each other, but I don't think it's about Levis anymore.

Ahhh no, ornaments are getting smashed; I'm off to the mall.

Musician of the Day: Paolo Nutini.

Fact of the Day: According to suicide statistics, Monday is the favored day for self-destruction.

Website of the Day: wwwDOTmissabigailDOTcom

Cover song of the day: _Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)_ – Paolo Nutini.

Song of the Day: _Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds_ – The Beatles.

**Comments**

I'mNotToto: Sorry about the arguments. Has gullible seriously been taken out the dictionary? Ohhh… I get it… Har har. And I type exactly the same way Iggy does.

Max_R: I like this Paolo guy. Where's he from?

BlondeAndBeaming: He's from Scotland. Blame Iggy for the broken ornaments. Isn't _Lucy in the Sky with_ _Diamonds _after LSD?

Fang: Angel, how do you know about LSD?

BlondeAndBeaming: I heard Nudge thinking about it.

Gazz: Justin _was _behind you. Honest.

NuDgE: Yeah, and I'm blonde. Max, don't kill me for the LSD thing!

PyrosRule: Total, I am going to kick your – _(rest of comment has been removed by __**Ella**__.)_

Lisssssaaaaa: Ahhhh can I come to the mall with you? Wait, I don't live in Arizona…

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**You are visiting Ella's Blog: Summer Vacation with the Flock. Welcome!**

**Hits: 34.**

**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Four: Thursday 5:19 PM

Sorry I didn't blog yesterday, Mom made us clean up the mess SOMEBODY *cough*the flock*cough* made while fighting Tuesday. Quite a lot of stuff got trashed, including a picture of mom, dad and me when I was little (Max was _so _upset it was broken, she offered to repair it and everything. I think she has a thing for keeping families intact), the couch, a saucepan, a tree, and some hair extensions that turned out to be Nudge's. I thought all her hair was natural…?

Anyway, all yesterday was spent sweeping, mopping, scrubbing, dusting, polishing, buffing (gotta love that word!), washing and generally tidying up. Yawn.

Then Gazzy set fire to the duster.

:D

Then we watched _The Devil Wears Prada_.

:D

I got high on Coke.

:D

NO NOT THAT COKE I'M NOT A STONER YOU TWITS!

**I'm sorry guys but Ella needs help. She will report back once she is sober. From Nudge.**

Sdsfsdfszvbdfgbs dvb n..dugn hvadsmvufjw;lemcr;wai g;airg wiraweoafpidg,vgkjhmgkjg

**That was Ella.**

Manga of the Day (By Nudge): _Fushigi Yûgi_.

Song of the Day (By Nudge again): _Dem Haters_ – Rhianna.

Band of the Day (By N.): The White Stripes.

Actress of the Day: Demi Lovato. Ja, it's Nudge.

Game of the Day: Hide and Seek. Especially when you've got wings :-) Yes. I'm still Nudge. Ella is still away.

**Comments**

BlondeAndBeaming: You will be sane now.

PyrosRule: No she won't. She has been kidnapped.

I'mNotToto: Nudge, why is Ella tied to a chair?

Max_R: We really _are _sorry about all the damage, although _some people _*choke* the flock *choke* are having a hard time admitting – WAIT NUDGE WHAT IS THIS ABOUT LSD?

Samzurman: Yo, Ella, I'm in Arizona for summer. Wanna come hang out?

Fang: No she freaking well doesn't, you freaking – _(rest of comment has been removed by __**Ella**__.)_

Dr.M: Kids, it's fine, don't worry about it. I did my yelling yesterday.


	3. Rise and Shine, It's Shopping Time

**You are visiting Ella's Blog: Summer Vacation with the Flock. Welcome!**

**Hits: 69.**

**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Five: Friday 9:56 PM

Wow, so many hits! I thank you with my mom's cookies.

Speaking of cookies….

I'm me again.

After some, ahem, trouble* I got freed by Max and we watched _The Dark Knight_. RIP Heath Ledger.

*Nudge tied me to a chair and Iggy stole my hair band, the one with the bow on. Then I was held hostage so Max would give Iggy and Gaz their bombs back. All of this I don't fully remember…

Then I read some fanfic. Can I say Ew? I mean, come on, guys, there must be some GOOD stories out there somewhere…right? Please? Most of the ones I read are just…

*Shudders*

Moving on. What happened today?

Ah yes.

While the boys were doing whatever and mom was doing mom stuff in the kitchen, Nudge discovered my makeup draw, and promptly dragged Max, Angel and I up to my room. Apparently while she'd been at the night school hacienda, she'd learnt how to apply eyeshadow properly. Max said she'd never have let Nudge go if she'd known all she would learn was how to become a (and here Max trailed off, leaving me to believe she was thinking something less than polite).

Anyway, Nudge said it was high time Maximum Ride got a makeover, and tied Max down on my bed so she couldn't peg it out the window. I actually think Max could have gotten away if she'd really wanted to, but what the hey, perhaps the girl does have a feminine side. Nudge then informed Angel and I that as it was unhygienic to share makeup, Max would have to have some of her own, and whipped a mascara wand, blusher, tweezers (?) and eyeshadow set from her backpack. Max demanded to know where she had gotten it all from and Angel said she'd bought it from Wal-Mart. Max then decided she didn't want to hear the rest, she was on vacation. Nudge pointed out that that was the exact reason to give Max a makeover in the first place, and Max shut up for fear of saying anything that would get her into more cosmetic related trouble. We caused havoc.

Three wet bath towels and a hairdryer later, Max looked a different bird kid. Nudge had also produced money (?) from one of her many pockets and announced we were going shopping. Max's reaction was:

HELL NO!

Mine was:

HELL YES!

And so was everyone else's.

So we walked to the mall and spent the next five hours having a thoroughly good time. Here is my 'script' for the entire day.

10:00 AM: We hijack Max and toss her in the bath with a razor, shampoo, conditioner, soap, a back scrubber and a rubber ducky.

10:15 AM: Her hair is combed, blow dried and pinned up. While she's in a towel.

10:25 AM: She then has her eyebrows, and (here I quote) "My NON-EXISTENT moustache, thank you very much!" slaughtered by Nudge and I. Still in a towel. She hated that bit.

10:40 AM: She's fully dressed again and Nudge displays her cash. We go to the mall.

11:00 AM: We stop for a snack.

11:30 AM: We find the clothing department and get straight to business.

12:30 PM: We have a stack of assorted outfits, shoes, underwear and jackets, some of

which Max actually chose (although she kind of had to do her own underwear shopping, she wouldn't let us know her bra size). Max is pulled into the changing rooms.

1:30 PM: Max has chosen her clean new garments. They include: turquoise Converse, a real-leather jacket, a blue denim waistcoat, five checked shirts, sixteen million (ish) camisoles, fifteen million tank tops (there is a difference), nineteen pairs of new socks, four print t-shirts, a stripy hoodie, two pairs of cropped shorts, three pairs of various styles of jeans, actual pajamas (Max 'fessed up to sleeping in one of Fang's old shirts or her clothes most of the time. Tsk), a tankini and half the store's underwear collection. I won't go into details, but now her undies are what're called 'pretty'. And the best thing, according to Max? None of it was pink. It was all shades of red, black, blue, green and purple, with the old favourites grey and brown. Yay!

1:40 PM: The clothes are purchased along with a new iPod Shuffle because Angel declared Max needed one. It's silver and cute.

1:45 PM: We buy lunch.

2:00 PM: Max gets chatted up by the restaurant cleaner.

2:01 PM: Max tells the guy where to shove his Windex.

2:02 PM: Angel repeats it.

2:02.5 PM: The cleaner listens.

2:06 PM: He's carted out the door on a stretcher, moaning.

2:07 PM: We get asked to leave.

2:09 PM: We leave.

2:30 PM: We arrive home and tell the boys, who had been helping Mom in the kitchen after setting fire to the curtains, what happened. Fang actually laughs while Total mumbles something about Akila and sneaks off to see his beloved, who has been busy sleeping in the garden these past few days. I thought Malamutes preferred the cold? Total's been very quiet recently, I seriously hope he hasn't got flu or anything…

2:39 PM: We eat some cookies. I _really _need to do exercise.

3:00 PM: Angel gets a scary look on her face.

3:02 PM: She whispers in Max's ear.

3:03 PM: She whispers in Fang's ear. They both go quiet. Although Fang wasn't saying much anyway.

3:04 PM: Everyone goes quiet. Max blushes. Hmm… I ask what's going on. Max chokes.

3:05 PM: Angel does that freaky and quite clever thought-sending thing she does and everyone bursts out laughing. Angel, Nudge and I pull Max upstairs, while she turns (almost literally) into stone. She actually looks _scared_. Not something I ever thought I'd see, to be honest.

3:06 PM: I stick my Rhianna CD on and delve through the bags of clothes we bought. Max stays Stone Girl, refusing to speak. She looks faintly sick.

3:10 PM: Nudge, Angel and I realise that we really need Max to decide her own clothes, and lock her and her bags in the bathroom.

3:25 PM: We yell at Max to hurry up, dang it, we don't have all day.

3:35 PM: Max emerges wearing black skinny jeans with a rust-red (looks better than it sounds, peeps) checked shirt with a camisole that matches those Converse and a serious scowl. Nudge pounces on her, brandishing the ever-hated mascara wand and eyeliner. I attack with a hairbrush.

3:45 PM: Max is pulled downstairs, shoved out the door with her jacket and told to not come back for at least two hours before the front door is slammed in her face, which is still scowling, in case you were wondering.

End script.

So it's not the entire day, but it's the most fun part of it by far. And I can't be bothered to type out any more. In a nutshell, Fang was chucked out just after Max was, and they still haven't returned. So the rest of us have played many a game of poker, tag and Who Can Catch Total with One Hand Tied behind Their Back First. Good times, good times.

Mom says she's getting "slightly worried." about Max and Fang, but we figure it's their first formal date, they're going to be a while. So, some Fun Facts:

It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is 'shake' and the 46th word from the last word is 'spear'.

The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C.

The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley.

In Cleveland, Ohio, it is illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.

Des Moines has the highest per capita Jello consumption in the U.S.

Great Britain was the first county to issue postage stamps. Hence, the postage stamps of Britain are the only stamps in the world not to bear the name of the country of origin.

And I leave you with the news that Maximum Ride has not yet returned from her date with Fang, and it is suspected they have flown to Vegas.

**Comments**

I'mNotToto: Dang, and I wanted to see Max in a wedding dress…

Lisssssaaaaa: Oh, I want that date _so much…_

NuDgE: Told you she'd come to the mall. Aw, Vegas, how _romantic_!

Dr.M: NO IT IS NOT ROMANTIC IF THOSE TWO HAVE ELOPED THERE'S GOING TO BE HELL TO PAY

Fang: Yo, guys… Max and I would like you to know that Vegas is excellent. And, er, that we aren't married. Yet.


	4. They Hated the Idea of a Date That Much?

**Anon. Reviewers:**

**bookworm: I used a manga you suggested, thanks for all the reviews! Markers? Ouchie.**

**Anon. Reviewers:**

**Ivyflightislistening: Thank you, thank you. :-)**

**Also, to ElectricWind, I couldn't PM you to thank you for the favourite, so I'm doing it now. :-)**

**Thank you also to TwiRidePotterGirl, imagine... and dreamscholar for some amazing ideas in this (and future) chapters.**

**Thanks for Chloe to beta'ing too! **

**Oh, and when I said I'd bet my teeth that I'd forgotten a character, I, er, didn't think I actually had. But you don't _really _want my teeth, do you? I have have braces.**

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**You are visiting Ella's Blog: Summer Vacation with the Flock. Welcome!**

**Hits: 5058.**

**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Six: Saturday 12:42 PM

OH MY GOD MAX AND FANG ARE IN LAS VEGAS!

It's official. And for that very reason the hit counter has zoomed...

Jeez, don't you guys have lives?

Nudge has spent the last twelve or so hours wondering if they're hitched yet, mom's spent the last twelve or so hours worrying and wondering why she never bought cell phones or did the whole Facts of Life Plus Some talk.

Erlack.

….

All you in Vegas, if you happen to see a tall, thin, slightly scary couple who may or may no be sporting jewelry on their left ring fingers, please tell them that they're news of the moment in a smallish household in Arizona. If they have mischievous grins on their faces, you'll know that it's Max and Fang and that it's okay to tell them to get their butts back home NOW.

Right now I'm listening to _Everyday I Love You Less and Less_ by the Kaiser Chiefs and I really want to air guitar.

*Plays air guitar*

Phew. My head hurts from headbanging.

Ahhh….. I've got an email from Max…. Hang on, I'll copy and paste it onto here…

**To: Ella From: Max & Fang**

_Hey guys, Max here._

_How do I start this? Well, we aren't married. Vegas is really interesting, though. So far we've… _Uh, Max, do you really want to carry on? Fang_. No, I don't._

_But we'll come home real soon! _

_Total, don't eat any more pillows._

And that's it!

Mom is _so _going to kill them! Although Total hasn't eaten any pillows in a while.

OMG I think they're back….

Song of the Day: _Waking Up In Vegas_ – Katy Perry

Movie of the Day: _What Happens In Vegas_

Game of the Day: Roulette

State of the Day: Nevada

**Comments**

BlondeAndBeaming: I am very scared for Max and Fang. I can hear what Dr M's thinking, it isn't pretty.

PyrosRule: Hmm… Vegas… Lots of cool stuff…. Like in the _Oceans _films.

Fax_Lurver: OMG Thay like cant be in vegas wat if max gets pregnant its like gonna be well wierd

fAx4eVa: Yay Max and Fang deserve a vacation!

Lisssssaaaaa: No no no no no no this can't be happening I'M gonna marry Fang!

IMustBeWEmo: No, _I'm _marrying Fang!

IHeartFang: NO, I AM

Fangalicious: NO ME FANG I LOVE YOU CAN'T YOU SEE THAT WE WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER

Not_A_Cutter: I'M GONNA MARRY FANG OR I _WILL _BE A CUTTER

Fang: Ladies, please.

Not_A_Cutter: I'm a guy.

* * *

**You are visiting Ella's Blog: Summer Vacation with the Flock. Welcome!**

**Hits: 5109.**

**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Seven: Sunday 10:09 AM

Well, that was interesting. As I stopped writing yesterday, I heard people land on the roof, and since we don't know any pilots, we figured it was Max and Fang. We were right. They looked a bit windswept and tired, but surprisingly clean. I guess Vegas has showers.

So we all ran outside to meet them and mom looked as though she was planning murder, and for about two minutes there was nothing but happy squealing and laughter and hugs because we all really missed the two nutters. Then Max saw mom. And seemed to shrink at least two feet.

I don't like to recall the details, but they've been back not twenty four hours and mom's been yelling at them for at least six hours, on and off.

It's been painful.

Uh oh, family meeting….

Be right back.

10:32 AM

Back.

Guess what?

**What? **Oh, hi Nudge. You already know this!

**I do? **Yep.

We're going camping! As in, all of us, in a tent, for two nights. In the woods. With marshmallows.

Mom says that in light of recent events (*cough*Vegas*cough*) we need to start doing stuff as a family, even if we are a little dysfunctional. And if we aren't all related, or human, or whatever. And she's come up with the idea of camping in the woods.

Is that a good thing?

The idea is to work together (which the flock knows loads about, ja?) and have fun….

**And come back with a suntan?**

I don't think so Nudge. Sorry.

OH MY GOD I FORGOT MAGNOLIA

I just remembered that I dropped her off at the vet for her kennel cough injections, the day before the flock came, and I forgot to pick her up.

MAGNOLIA I AM SO SO SORRY I'M COMING BABY

**Ella just sprinted off in the direction of the vets. How come she forgot to get her dog when HER MOM IS A VET? NuDgE**

Song of the Day: _Stupid Girls_ – Pink.

Manga of the Day: _Prince of Tennis_, 'cause the name's cool.

Karaoke means 'empty orchestra' in Japanese.

Each of the suits on a deck of cards represents the four major pillars of the economy in the middle ages: hearts represented the Church, spades represented the military, clubs represented agriculture, and diamonds represented the merchant class.

Website of the Day: wwwDOTgetamusedDOTcom

Video of the Day: wwwDOTyoutubeDOTcom/watch?v=AJ4om48QPKo

**Comments**

V0iCE: Leaving your dog was a stupid and immature mistake, Ella.

Gazz: Poor Magnolia's giving me the 'I'm so hard done by' eyes. But that might be because I just farted…

BlondeAndBeaming: Aw, Magnolia. Yay, camping! Can I have a pink sleeping bag?

Samzurman: I'll take you to Vegas, Max.

Max_R: We said we're sorry! Jeesh. Get lost, Sam.

PyrosRule: I liked listening to that video of the guy fall off the treadmill.

Not_A_Cutter: My wrists have open wounds again.

fAx4eVa: It sucks you aren't married.

Fang: Not_A_Cutter, you really need therapy. And you should change your screenname.


	5. Sneezes and Slips

**What's up? How you doing?**

**I'm good, thanks.**

**Actually, I must be doing really well because I'm posting this. I'M NOT DEAD! **

**What a relief.**

**Everyone who reviewed the crap A/N chapter that's now deleted, the people who added _Ella's Blog_ to their alerts when I posted the A/N, this is for you, your patience and your lovliness.**

**Keep the faith, people. If you keep reading, reviews and ideas are appreciated and will most likely be used.**

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**You are visiting Ella's Blog: Summer Vacation with the Flock. Welcome!**

**Hits: 5598.**

**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Eight: Monday 4:17 PM

Magnolia's still not talking to me. I feel so bad! Mom hasn't been into work for a while now, because the flock has been here, but that's no excuse, I should be fined for animal cruelty.

Most of today was spent packing for our excellent camping trip (this is the part where everyone cheers. No? Okay then…) and quizzing Max and Fang on Vegas, which sounds really cool but also kind of dangerous. They saw Elvis impersonators! And those drive thru wedding places! Although I have been assured no one's married, they were just exploring…

Camping trip tomorrow! Angel got her sleeping bag after all. It's, well….

Pink.

Mine's bright orange with luminous yellow spirals. Iggy touched it earlier and got a headache.

And now, ladies and gents, time for today's entertainment:

The game 'I Have Never'.

How to play:

There's a pile of nickels and dimes in the middle of the table/circle and everyone playing has a plastic or paper cup/bowel. The person who starts first says, for example, "I have never jumped from Golden Gate Bridge," and if anyone who's playing _has _jumped from Golden Gate Bridge, they take a coin. The first person to fill their cup/bowel is the craziest. In this case, everyone except me took a coin. Oh come on, I'm not suicidal!

This is what we played for several hours today (we had a huge bag of foreign and/or out of date coins).

I lost by about five dollars.

Total won. Did you know he's gotten shot, sworn in Arabic, eaten cat food, met Jenifer Aniston and growled at George W. Bush?

Me neither.

Now, my friends, I have been thinking (shocker, I know) and I believe it's high time I threw a slumber party.

**Ella, no!**

Shut up, Max.

**Ella, you can't!**

Yes, I can.

**NO!**

You're being overly dramatic.

**Am not.**

Are too.

Go and listen to _Know Your Enemy_ by Green Day. I highly recommend it.

Conversation of the Day

Fang: Wanna rob a casino?

Max: Like in _Ocean's Eleven_?

Fang: Yeah.

Max: Okay.

That conversation may or may not have actually happened.

**Comments**

PyrosRule: You like Green Day? Me too! In the _Know Your Enemy_ video, their shadows are fire!

BlondeAndBeaming: Slumber party! Can I come?

Max_R: No. Because we aren't having one.

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**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Nine: Tuesday 5:09 AM

_Ella is listening to: Desolation Row – My Chemical Romance._

It's really hard to understand what they're singing.

In the video, are they ill?

I'm typing this real quick because we're off to camp in about twenty minutes.

Where there's no Wi-Fi.

*Bursts into tears*

Fang's upset, too.

But I don't think he's crying yet.

Oh, crap. Gotta go, guys! I'll update when we get back.

**Comments**

Samzurman: I went camping with my kayak once.

I'mNotToto: Who said dogs are colour blind? Oh, the pain of having to see that disastrous sleeping bag!

NuDgE: I like it. Er, with your kayak? Just the two of you?

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**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Ten: Wednesday 5:56 PM

Raccoons.

When was the last time you woke up at three in the morning because a stripy, smelly, wild raccoon was sitting on your face?

You haven't?

That's weird.

Because I have.

AND IT'S AWFUL!

I was all nice and asleep in my bright sleeping bag when I heard this scratching, and smelt this really strange animal-y smell, and then I opened my eyes and saw a freaking raccoon! I'm…

I'm really traumatized.

But that's nothing compared to the complete lack of shower. God, I love my shower….

Anyway, here's a brief (or not) recount of what happened:

Well, the camp site we were on – actually, I'm exaggerating, there was no campsite. Just a nice, green, musty tent that barely managed to fit eight people. Total, Magnolia and Akila had opted out of the trip due to... Something. Don't ask me what, I have no idea. Wedding plans? Did I mention Total and Akila are getting hitched? It's so cute! I want to be a bridesmaid! And see Max in a poufy dress! But I digress.

And then there's the issue with my hiking boots. I bought them about six months ago, for reasons I forget. And it turns out my feet have grown a half size since then. HOW? My feet are no longer feet; they're a heaven for blisters. I can hardly walk!

Our friendly neighbourhood tour guide was my mother, equipped with only a map, a hat and a compass that always pointed west.

Cuisine: Marshmallows, chocolate, bread, lentils. I'm not sure how the lentils found their way into my bag, now I come to think of it. Oh, and hot chocolate in a thermos flask. 'Twas one big thermos…

So, on the first day, after stumbling around, finding breakfast, falling into the shower, etc. we left for the wilderness and wandered through trees and the like for about an hour, singing Lady Gaga. Then I slipped over and into a quagmire, which halted the chorus of _Paparazzi_ slightly.

When everyone had stopped laughing and helped me up, we decided to stop for a mid-morning (half past nine) snack, which lasted until half past ten, when we encountered some freelance hikers.

Picture the scene:

The flock, mom and I are sat in a relatively dry, cute clearing with birds singing and an open pack of marshmallows, laughing about my clumsiness.

Suddenly, the tranquility is interrupted by the arrival of two very short, very round people dressed in khaki and steel-capped hiking boots. They are both spluttering loudly into handkerchiefs.

They spot us and say hi, and we say hi back, and then we carry on talking while Le Strangers stand there gormlessly. What exactly is a 'gorm', by the way?

Mom notices that the couple happen to be unbending statues and asks if we can help them, to which they reply;

"Which way is Monterrey?"

After a beat of silence, mom consults her navigational instruments and tells them she believes it is due south-east, although she can't be sure as our compass points west. The strangers thank us and stomp off in the direction mom is pointing. We can hear them long after they've disappeared into the trees, as their sneezes are louder than my hairdryer.

Uh-oh, I got a phone call.

Be right back.

6:43 PM

That was my friend Lorraine, who goes to my school and has the nicest hair. It's kind of a cross between red and blonde, but isn't quite ginger. If I didn't have my hair, I'd have hers.

Back to topic…

SLUMBER PARTY!

**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! –**

Ksfskhfiwncv weifr iejfw9ew4543857843vqiwurv rhgiaeti4u54594[3w5 vbuit'wirvn

**This is a message from Blogspot: Your blog has broken down as there has been an over usage of one word.**


	6. Singing Comments

**An update within a fortnight. **

**Wow, I must be feeling guilty over not updating for three months. Or maybe it's because I'm on a high from actually having finished my homework.**

**_The 50 States Song_ does not belong to me.**

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Day Twelve: Friday 3:32 PM

I apologise for the distinct lack of updates, but Max broke the blog and it took two days, a load of HTML and twelve dollars to fix (Nudge, Fang and Iggy all had to have a go and they demanded payment for their troubles. I then got the money from Max, as she was the one who caused mayhem in the first place).

Mom banned us from using the Internet at all yesterday, as she thinks it will take over our brains and turn us into mindless zombies. Instead we all read books or listened to audio tapes. We couldn't go outside because a storm was brewing and the flock had been prohibited from flying.

While Total and Akila, with Angel's (mis)guidance, planned their wedding on the rug by the fire, I read _The Princess Diaries_. I had forgotten how hilarious they are – does anyone else think Grandmere is a mutant or an alien? Or both? Max had her head buried in the _Artemis Fowl_ series, Iggy had _Harry Potter_ on headphones and Fang was reading – get this – _Twilight_! I know, he is such a pansy.

When I politely enquired as to why on Earth he was reading a romance novel ("Fang, are you a girl now?") he simply replied,

"I want to know what's so attractive about a guy that sparkles."

He has a point, you know. If any self-respecting man smothered himself in body glitter, I would wet myself laughing. Unless, of course, that man was immortal and sexy as hell. Hmmm….

As rain started to splatter its way onto the windowsills, we watched _Be Cool_. It's the one with John Travolta in it, where a gangster hits a dude with a spatula. Officially _the_ funniest film in which people get shot that I have ever seen.

As the credits rolled on Vince Vaughn's fire dancing, we moved upstairs to play poker in the boys' room, listening to an eighties radio station while Mom kept winning. Angel is one scary child. Don't look all frail as I type that, Angel, you know I'm right. Just as I thought I was going to get back into the game, the lights blinked out and we were plunged into darkness... Power cut!

As it hardly ever rains here in summer, we were all pretty excited and found Mom's old scented candles. As the house was bathed in the smell of lavender, vanilla, cinnamon and mint, we played cards until gone midnight. It was fun, and – sadly – Mom won.

However, that's not even the best bit, because when we all came down this morning we found Max and Fang fast asleep on the sofa, in each other's arms, snoring slightly. Awwwww! Now I come to think of it, they didn't play poker with us last night….

Song of the Day: _Sam's Town_ by The Killers

Shoe of the Week: Converse

Band of the Day: Pendulum

Pen of the Week: The purple one with feathers on it.

**Comments**

I'mNotToto: What do you think of having burlesque dancers at my bachelor party?

PyrosRule: Yes. Wait, human or dog?

Dr.M: No. Over my dead body.

NuDgE: I would like to point out that you are blind, Iggy. So will we ever get that slumber party?

LorraineHeartsBacktotheFuture: Yeah, totally. Ella said it would be fine to have it at yours?

Ella: Yep, it's cool. I'll ring you later.

Max_R: Do I have to come?

BlondeAndBeaming: Yes.

Lisssssaaaaa: Can I come?

NuDgE: No.

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Day Thirteen: Saturday 8:08 AM

I'm blogging really early because Lorraine and my other friend from school, Christine, are coming over in a bit for a weekend-long slumber party. Max is still asleep, and the plan is to wake her up once we've locked all possible escape routes from my room and bathroom, so she can't escape. Much like when we dragged her out shopping. Why are we putting the great Maximum Ride through so much pain?

I'll tell you why.

She grew up in a freaking dog crate and has been deprived of normal things like shopping sprees and sleepovers! She is fourteen (fifteen in a few months, I think) and it is high time she learnt to enjoy herself.

We don't have to worry about Lorraine or Christine freaking over everyone's wings either, because they have both been die hard MR fans since forever. They aren't FANGirls either, which is just another reason why I love them. That and the fact we've known each other since first grade.

Gotta go, the doorbell's ringing.

**Comments**

Not_A_Cutter: Just so you know, I'm getting counselling to help with my fixation of fictional characters.

Gazz: Who says we're fictional?

Not_A_Cutter: Er, er… WAIT, YOU'RE REAL? OH MY GOD THAT'S SO COOL!

PyrosRule: I know. It's nice, actually existing. It gives me a sense of purpose.

V0iCE: Shut up.

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**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Twelve: Friday 11:21 AM

Yo, Fang here.

I'm blogging instead of Ella because she is otherwise occupied with turning my best friend into a Barbie. Again.

Not that she didn't look totally awesome the first time, or anything. She can rock skinny jeans better than anyone else I know (not that I know a whole lot of people).

The six girls haven't emerged from their Cave of Slumber since the ginger and the short kid turned up at a quarter past eight this morning. Max woke up at about twenty past eight, if the yelling and muffled profanities were anything to go by. I say muffled because Max is still under the illusion that none of us know how to swear, therefore making it her duty as flock leader to shield our delicate ears from vulgar vocabulary. Even though she gets to cuss obscenities herself.

Give over, Angel knows more curse words than I do. Personally, I blame _High School Musical_.

In other news, Iggy and the Gasman blew up some old socks in the garden to stage their protest at being banned from the girls' room. Gazzy just read what I wrote and would like to point out that the girls' room is Ella's bedroom, not public toilets or anything. Dr. M. is working from home today, though, sorting out paperwork, so they couldn't make it too loud and proud. Or rude and crude, as they prefer to say (they wanted to detonate some old underwear).

Look at me, all language-like today. It must be the hairspray fumes.

Let's all sing _The 50 States Song_!

Alabama and Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas…

Oh come on, people, sing it with me!

**Comments**

PyrosRule: California, Colorado, Connecticut and more…

Gazz: Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho…

Not_A_Cutter: Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, still 35 to go…

I'mNotToto: Kansas and Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine…

Lisssssaaaaa: Maryland, Massachusetts and good old Michigan…

Samzurman: Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri and Montana…

V0iCE: Nebraska's 27, number 28's Nevada…

Dr.M: Next, New Hampshire and New Jersey, and way down New Mexico…

IHeartFang: There's New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio…

Fangalicious: Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, now let's see…

IMustBeWEmo: Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee…

JoJonasAndFang4life: Texas and there's Utah, Vermont I'm almost through…

ScarzNWingz: Virginia and there's Washington, and West Virginia too…

FlyHighInTheSky: Could Wisconsin be the last state of the 49?

Broken-Wings: No, Wyoming is the last state in THE 50 STATES THAT RHYME!

Anonymous: You are so weird.

* * *

**If anyone reading thought that the power cut scene was a bit familiar, it's because I borrowed it from a fanfiction, called _Power Cut_, that I wrote a while ago. It's on my profile :-)**


	7. Pizza Sauce Isn't Makeup, Max

******Thank you to all anon. reviews as well as everyone who favourited/alerted/reviewed with an account. You are tre cool. Please review again, suggestions are great. :)**

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Day Thirteen: Sunday 10:31 AM

I just watched _Never Wanted to Dance_ by Mindless Self Indulgence. I want to be in a music video people can dance to! And I want to learn to backbend. While, like, holding a bass guitar. With the frontman's hair. Nudge thinks it's anti-gravitational because he's a mutant.

Does anyone want to know how the slumber party went?

Okay then, I'll get Max to tell you.

MAX'S BLOG

By Max.

Well, first of all I was rudely WOKEN UP by five hyperactive girls at EIGHT TWENTY in the MORNING with JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE playing on the stereo.

Then I was BUNDLED INTO THE SHOWER. Again, I might add. With a razor. And shampoo. I already washed my hair this week!

Once I was done in the shower, I was AMBUSHED as I walked into Ella's room and was forced to sit on a SQUISHY PILLOW THAT HATED ME for hours on end while we played 'TRUTH OR DARE', 'MARRY, SCREW, THROW OFF A CLIFF' and 'IF THE WORLD ENDED, WHO WOULD YOU RATHER BE WITH?'…

I would like to point out that Fang would be PERFECTLY FINE if I threw him off a cliff.

Yes, I am overusing caps-lock. Stop laughing, Ella.

Then came the good bit when we ATE COOKIES (no I will not stop) and TEASED ELLA.

Afterwards I was ATTACKED WITH MAKEUP while supposedly brushing Lorraine's hair. Except I brushed too hard and a load of her hair came out. OOPS.

Because I was forbidden to leave the Cave of Slumber I got TWENTY QUESTIONS on my DATE WITH FANG and was grilled about VEGAS and ELVIS PRESLEY. Like he isn't already DEAD. So no, we did not see him while we MADE OUT IN OUR HOTEL ROOM.

Oh crap, I really did just type that.

Ella, please can I stop-?

Damn it.

Then I was FORCED by ANGEL to partake in a PEDICURE and MANICURE. I also had to stick my head over a bowl of steaming water to unclog my pores. I DO NOT HAVE CLOGGED UP PORES!

What exactly are pores?

I'm sure Ella will fill you in on the rest, so I'm going now.

You do not get a kiss goodbye.

EllA

I'm back!

Max has obviously been playing with the valium again. That or she's as hooked on MSI as I am.

Anyway, she can stop having a nervous breakdown and go out with Fang now because Christine and Lorraine left an hour ago.

We're having pizza tonight and I have to place my order now before Gazzy burns the menu.

Pizza Facts

On average, Americans eat one hundred acres of pizza a day, which amounts to three hundred and fifty slices per second.

The highest consumption of pizza occurs during Super Bowl week.

Cookie Facts

The chocolate chip cookie was invented in 1933 by Ruth Wakefield in her and her husband's inn in Massachusetts.

The average American eats 35,000 cookies in their lifetime. Max can top that.

Coffee Facts

Decaffeinated coffee is not one hundred per cent caffeine free, as two per cent caffeine remains in it. Just another piece of evidence that the government is behind a conspiracy to take over the world with nice tasting food and drink.

**Comments **

Gazz: Menu + Lighter = Ash.

FlyHighInTheSky: Now I know why I'm hyper even when I have the de-caff.

BlondeAndBeaming: Max actually really enjoyed the slumber party.

LorraineHeartsBacktotheFuture: Totally! Even when we sang "Max and Fang, sitting in a tree…"

NuDgE: Of course she loved it. She just won't admit it for another three books.

Max_R: Can you please stop discussing my emotions on a goddamn slumber party that I didn't even enjoy?

Dr.M: You _did _have a good time, sweetie. Don't swear.

Max_R: Sorry.

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Day Thirteen: Sunday 6:18 PM

Hahahahahaha!

You'll never believe what happened this afternoon…

The Gasman had indeed set fire to the menu so we had to order pizza for lunch instead of dinner (in case we forgot our orders. Not that that would be hard, as the average request is: 'Large. With everything').

The doorbell rang and we all rushed to answer it and claim our feasts, Total biting ankles to get there first. The fun part came when Iggy opened the door to let in the pizza delivery guy and Max bolted through us at the speed of light and hurtled into the delivery man, knocking him to the ground (and more importantly) sending the pizza flying into the French windows, where they made a 'splat' sound and slid down the window, just like in movies.

We all stood there for maybe thirty seconds, staring in disbelief at Max, whose sweatshirt was covered in tomato sauce and the delivery man, who was gaping like a fish due to Max slamming into his stomach at forty miles an hour.

Had Max become bipolar? Was she on cocaine? Had she discovered Mom's drinks' cabinet?

No.

She had mistaken him for a German scientist.

Roland ter Borcht hadn't entered the United States, but his lookalike had.

Max had mistaken a lovely, slightly portly middle-aged gentleman who delivered pizzas for an evil, sick, Deutsch maniac who needed a padded cell. And reacted as any fourteen-year-old mutant hybrid with wings and Converse would.

I thought moments in _my_ life were embarrassing.

**Comments**

Max_R: I'm sorry! I just saw him, and flipped. Let's hear it for years of living in a cage, people.

V0iCE: Hip hip, hooray!

Fang: She was being sarcastic.

IMustBeWEmo: Three cheers for sweet revenge!

I'mNotToto: Guys, what do you think of Akila and I getting hitched in Vegas? Did I mention we're getting married? This summer. Soon. Very soon. Sorry bitchez, but you'll just have to find another celebrity dawg to drool over. I suggest Pete Wentz's pet, Hemmingway. For all you bent gals, Mikey Way's dog Piglet. She's cute, in a walrusy sort of way.

BlondeAndBeaming: Total, your language has gone waaaaaay down since you started listening to Eminem.


	8. Coughing Out Crap

**I wrote this pretty quickly just now while in bed with some crap cold/illness/stomach bug. I hate not being able to eat. So please tell me if I screwed up!**

**Anyway, thank yous to the people I couldn't email via FFN:**

**VivaColdplay - thanks for the favourite**

**yay - It _is _Total and Akila. Thanks anyway!**

**Katie McDonahue - thanks for the favourite**

**god - Here you go. Are you _the _god?**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed, please mention any ideas! I'm hanging on to this non-existent plot line by my fingertips.**

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**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Fourteen: Monday 2:46 PM

I'm an emo kid, non-conforming as can be…

Ow. Singing hurts my head. I've come down with one of those summer colds that makes everything hurt and the sunlight feel like gamma-rays.

I'll bore you with some useless facts then.

Music Facts

To win a gold disc, an album needs to sell ten thousand copies in Britain and fifty thousand copies in the United States.

The CD was developed by Philips and Sony in 1980. In the dark ages, they used tapes and vinyl.

About one third of CDs ever sold were pirated.

The world's largest disco was held at the Buffalo Convention Centre in New York in 1973. 13,000 people took part.

The first pop video was Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen released in 1975.

In August 1983 Peter Stewart of Birmingham, UK, disco-danced his way into a world record by dancing for 408 hours.

Food Facts

Ice cream is Chinese.

Potato crisps were invented by a North America Indian called George Crum.

Cream is lighter than milk.

Over one thousand litres of beer are drunk in the House of Commons each week. I don't blame them, personally.

TV Facts

The characters Marge, Lisa, Maggie and Homer and were given the same first two names as Matt Groening's mother, sisters and father.

The role of Flipper was played by a dolphin called Suzy.

Mr. Spock's blood type was T-Negative.

Now do you see how ill I am? I've got time and patience to Google crap!

**Comments**

Max_R: We'll bring you cool stuff back from our trip to the Mexican border!

Not_A_Cutter: I really like your blog. It gives me a reason to live. I've been depressed ever since I found out Gerard Way is married. To a woman.

Fang: Kid, you need help. I'm saying that as a responsible citizen, not as someone who thinks you're a nutjob.

Samzurman: Listen, guys, I was think that as Total and Akila are getting married soon, you're going to throw a party? Can Lissa and I come?

NuDgE: No. But we do need to have a wedding party.

Dr.M: Sure we do! I can be the minister as I am a certified veterinary nurse. Ella, honey, don't swear.

I'mNotToto: Akila has suggested that Magnolia is maid of honour.

Ella: Magnolia would be honoured, ha ha. I'm going to start planning the wedding right now. Sorry, Mom.

**You are visiting Ella's Blog: Summer Vacation with the Flock. Welcome!**

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**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Fifteen: Tuesday 5:09 PM

I'm better! Let's hear it for bedrest, people!

I've been propped up with pillows, nibbling toast and making plans for Total and Akila's impending matrimony.

I reckon a coral theme as it is the heat of summer and we are all tanned, even Iggy. Though I doubt he'll want to wear a dress. The guest list is minimal, consisting of myself, the flock, Mom and Magnolia. We will hold the nuptials in the garden at lunchtime and the happy couple will honeymoon…

Actually, I'm not sure where they'll honeymoon. Anyone got any ideas?

I know where Akila could go for her bachelorette party: the dog grooming parlour in town. Afterwards, the humans will go to a salon (Max'll love it), followed by dinner somewhere swish.

The boys can organise Total.

So what do you think? I've never planned a wedding before… I guess I'll find out what the flock think when they return from their trip to the Mexican border. They're camping in caves and watching the sun set while eating marshmallows. Well, I bet Max and Fang are making out.

**Comments**

Fangalicious: I WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH FANG

PyrosRule: Don't even think about making me wear a dress. I mean, I'm sure I'd look great in drag but it tends to put the ladies off.

IMustBeWEmo: It doesn't, trust me. Too bad I don't wear skirts to attract girls.

BlondAndBeaming: Who do you attract?

Max_R: No one, Angel. DON'T READ MY MIND – Well, now you know why it's rude to call someone a fag.

Fang: Unless you're in England, and then you'd be calling them a cigarette. I'm not going to make out with you, Fangalicious. Although I am. Don't hit me, Max!


	9. Rice Grains and Roses

**I finished writing this literally two minutes ago so please point out any mistakes, ploy screw-ups, etc.**

**Thank you to MaxInTraining for the favourite. Sonya Rivers: YES! You are a genius! Thank you!**

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Day Sixteen: Wednesday 11:43 AM

The flock returned from their trip last night and while I was unwrapping my present (a rock), Max had an idea for Total and Akila's honeymoon – Paris! Total's been there before, Akila's into travelling and dogs can go into restaurants there. Perfect!

They've even given their consent to hire a dog-sitter for them while they're in the City of Light so we don't have to go too! I would've liked to visit the Tour Eiffel or L'Arc d'Triomphe, of perhaps the Louvre, but it will have to wait for when I'm a well-paid vet with spare cash, oui?

As well as that, Akila loved my ideas for the wedding! Well, according to Angel, she did. Max is pleased because Total said it would be okay for her to not wear a poufy dress, "So long as everything matches."

I smell a trip to the mall!

**Comments**

Max_R: Oh God.

Lisssssaaaaa: OMG! I love weddings! Can I come?

NuDgE: No. How many times already?!

dawgZruleZ: Sweetheart, leave that scruffy mutt and come an rest in my strong, pit-bull paws…

I'mNotToto: Not a chance.

PawsWeekly: Could we please run an article on canine weddings? It's interesting to see how, in the twenty first century, dogs are interested in mating for life?

Gazz: As opposed to just for Christmas?

I'mNotToto: Sure thing! I'll talk to the humans and we can arrange a date for an interview and a photoshoot.

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Day Sixteen: Thursday 09:19 AM

The date is set, the invites have been issued, _Paws Weekly_ is interviewing Total right now _and _we all have outfits. I even bought a hat.

There have been a few minor problems such as the menu, which was compiled by Nudge and Angel and includes two very fine wedding cakes. One is made of supreme quality dog chow, and the other is edible if you're a human. I'm not entirely sure what is in said canine cake, but it smells like Gazzy so I don't want to try it. The three tier sponge, on the other hand – one layer lemon, one chocolate and the last vanilla, I can't wait to get my mitts on. Nor can anyone, which is why Mom has put it in her bedroom in a sealed container with alarms, just in case on of us starts to sleepwalk. The problem I mentioned was that Iggy really did sleepwalk… We were all woken from our dreams about bacon/chocolate/weddings at midnight by an alarm that was set to play the Vanilla Ice version of _Under Pressure_.

Needless to say, we nearly all suffered heart attacks.

I need to get a manicure for the wedding, which is tomorrow. Didn't I mention it's tomorrow? It's tomorrow! Squee! Ohmigosh I'm hyperventilating. I'm so excited! Wow! I've never been to a wedding before! I need to stop using exclamation marks! Ah!

**Comments**

I'mNotToto: Thanks for all your support guys, Akila and I really appreciate it.

LorraineHeartsBacktotheFuture: No problem, you make such a cute couple! Hey, what's your surname going to be?

BlondeAndBeaming: Ride?

Max_R: Seriously?!

V0iCE: It's not like any of you have any other surname. Congrats by the way.

IMustBeWEmo: Am I the only person without a significant other?

Not_A_Cutter: No, I don't either. Hey, wanna hook up?

IMustBeWEmo: Sure! Wait, you're a guy, right?

Not_A_Cutter: Yep.

IMustBeWEmo: Great, me too.

Fang: Please get a room.

NuDgE: Hey, you're not the only loners! I am too! Cuz everyone knows Ella fancies Iggy.

PyrosRule: You do?!

Ella: I do not! Shut up, Nudge.

Gazz: You're blushing!

Ella: GO AWAY!

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**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Seventeen: Friday 10:34 PM

They've done it! The happy couple has flown the nest! I'm so proud! And, yes, I do get the pun.

The ceremony was very sweet, with all of us in coordinating colours and the sun shining down onto the arch Iggy and Gazzy made that had white lilies woven into it.

The bride was really beautiful too! We went to the dog grooming place yesterday evening and Akila got primped until she shone, then the humans went to a salon and got primped till we shone, and Magnolia was lovely in her maid of honour's collar, and, awww… I'm going to cry. I love weddings.

Total was in danger of looking slightly worse for wear as the boys went out last night and got drunk, much to Mom's chagrin. It was nothing a good brushing of the coat didn't cure though and he looked rather dashing, tail wagging nineteen to the dozen.

We gave the newlyweds presents as well: a new, large wicker basket that fits both dogs, new name tags and a book on raising a litter. The book made Akila blush.

For a shotgun wedding, I think we did pretty well… The photos have even been emailed to _Paws Weekly_. The feature will run next Monday.

Right now the dogs are on a plane to Paris, accompanied by Betty, their dog-sitter. She said she's quite happy to chauffer them wherever they wish to go and we have given sufficient funds for a week-long trip. Iggy and Max also forged some passports and documentation which lets them go wherever they please, whenever they please.

It's all right for some, huh?

Does anyone have any ideas for what we could do this next week? The weather's pretty hot so I'm thinking pool party or an ice cream-making competition. Tell me your ideas!

And by the way, I do not fancy Iggy. Can't say the same for Nudge though.

**Comments**

PyrosRule: I'm popular.

Fang: It's a nice feeling, isn't it?

PyrosRule: Yeah, but you have guys arguing after you…

Fang: Point taken.

* * *

**Please, please, review with ideas! You guys write this story, not me! I'm just the kid putting dodgy words onto a document.**


	10. You Don't Know, Man, You Weren't There

**I had this finished before Christmas but wanted to add a blog about the flock having a pool party. But it's been snowing where I live and I've got the first-week-back-at-school blues. Or blacks, it's freezing and I managed to fail a test today. :) Anyway, that will be on the next chapter, along with a visit from an old friend.**

**Keep sending in suggestions!**

**Reviewers: **

**god: of course she does.**

**Maggie: I do at the moment and I wrote it down like that. Thank God I'm opting for German.**

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**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Eighteen: Saturday 2:24 PM

Look at what just arrived in the post. I'll scan it into here. No copyright infringement meant, of course:

_**IS DOGGY MARRIAGE A THING OF EVOLUTION?**_

By Caramel the Boarder Collie.

_Yesterday was a proud one for Malamute Akila and Canine American Total as they tied the knot in Arizona, becoming the first dogs to ever be united in holy matrimony._

_The service was modest, with only close family in attendance and Doctor Valencia Martinez (well know for her work as a vet and for her involvement in the Collation to Stop the Madness) acting as minister. _

_After the ceremony, the blushing bride and her handsome groom were driven to the nearest airport to embark on their romantic honeymoon in Paris, accompanied by Betty Mac, dog sitter extraordinaire who can speak fluent French. We are expecting photographs of the happy couple to be sent to us in the next week… possibly followed by the pitter patter of tiny puppy paws? Clearly, these dogs are deeply in love, which makes us at _Paws Weekly _wonder if canine marriages are simply a celebrity fad – or something to be taken seriously. Email us with your opinion now!_

Cute, huh? Though I am wondering what the heck the kids will look like…

Have y'all seen the video for The Fratellis' _Creeping up the Backstairs_? There's a pair of Chuck Taylors strung over a power line! What does that mean, exactly? Gang activity? Cool song anyways.

We had that ice cream competition, except instead of making ice cream, we had to eat it. I won, managing fifteen bowels in ten minutes. I narrowly beat Max, who scoffed fourteen and three quarters, and Gazzy came in at third with just under fourteen bowels of mint choc chip heaven.

I would like to apologise to some people, who shall remain unnamed because I can't remember their names: The flock and I did not nearly suffer heart attacks when _Ice Ice Baby_ played the night before the wedding, when Iggy tried to steal the cake; we all nearly went into cardiac arrest. Also, I spelled L'Arc de Triomphe wrong before. But now I spelt it right. Right?

Something else has recently come to my attention, something that until know I had nodded and smiled at but not actually noticed. The comment board on this blog. I AM NOT RUNNING A SOCIAL NETWORKING/DATING SITE FOR POSING 'EMO' BOYS WHO AREN'T GETTING ANY SO WANT TO GET INTO FANG'S PANTS. ONLY MAX GETS INTO FANG'S PANTS AND I DON'T WANT ANYONE 'HOOKING UP' OVER THIS BLOG, OKAY? ESPECIALLY NOT GAY, LONG FRINGE SPORTING KIDS WITH JEANS SO TIGHT THEIR VOICES WON'T BREAK.

Rant over. Although Max wants me to delete the bit about getting into Fang's pants. Not a chance. I know what rating this blog is.

**Comments**

PawsWeekly: Thank you so much for letting us interview you, guys. We really appreciate it; statistics have shown that more people bought our magazine when celebrities were on it. Now to run an article on Piglet Way! It'll be all about life with a rockstar… And his wife.

Not_A_Cutter: Sorry. But, well, IMustBeWEmo and I get on amazingly, so we thank you for introducing us. We have had many a drunken night listening to Marilyn Manson and trying on one another's skinnies thanks to you, Ella. I haven't touched a razor in a week.

PyrosRule: Get a goddamn room.

I'mNotToto: Hey guys! The wife and I are having the time of our life in the City of Light, sipping coffee next to Notre Dame by day and strolling along the Seine by night. Thank you all so much for your love and support amigos xo.

FlyHighInTheSky: It's not Valentine's Day, so please stop with the romantic mush.

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**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Nineteen: Sunday 10:04 PM

I don't want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need….

Haha, I'm singing this in summer and Christmas isn't for ages. It won't snow here anyway.

But moving on.

Sunday is a day of rest, so says the Bible and my internal sleep measure.

Not in this household. Do you know how I was woken up today? By Iggy and the Gasman, who were throwing ice-filled balloons at me through my open windows.

Don't laugh. You're laughing, aren't you? Stop. Now. Please. Don't call me idiotic for leaving my window ajar at night; it gets hot in Arizona in the height of the non-rainy season.

Which meant Gazzy and Ig took it upon themselves to wake us up. God, I hate them. No I don't. I love them. I just love my duvet more. We got our revenge though. Max, Nudge and I distracted the boys by pelting them with old, gungy makeup I discovered under my bed while Angel broke into their room, spray painted their bed sheets pink and threw little gold stars on them while the paint was still wet. Now their room looks like fairy princess land. Fang is upset because he got sparkled and he wasn't even part of the prank; he was in bed sleeping when it happened.

I think you can guess what happened next: war. Between the supreme sex, us girls, and those half-arsed idiots, Fang, Iggy and Gasman.

While I was in the shower I discovered that they had put green food colouring in my shampoo and shower gel, so I looked like a member of the undead all day. To get them back Nudge stole all of Iggy's wires, cables and bomb making materials and coloured them the same colour purple Daphne from _Scooby Doo_'s tights are. Now whenever he tries to blow us up he gets a migraine.

Strike two came when our underwear was stolen (from our drawers, I might add) and hung on the trees out skirting the wood. We set fire to _their _underwear.

Three and you're out: after a banter-filled lunch we noticed our pillows had been filled with leftovers, our shoes with earth, my mirror smeared with ketchup so it looked like I murdered my hairbrush and every light bulb in my room and bathroom changed to the lowest wattage they could find to 'help the environment'.

Well.

We replaced their shoelaces with liquorice strands, super glued pictures of Zac Effron on Fang's laptop and (Angel's idea) planted tampons in every available nook and cranny. Including the space between the wall and their beds, in the lampshade, in the sock drawer and in the keyholes. They also dangled from the window latches, blocked up the plughole in the sink and bath and got tied to the bedposts.

Ha. We defiantly got our own back; we put their underwear-hanging prank to shame. Sadly, when Mom saw the mess we'd caused she called truce and we went to watch a movie. It was _RV_ and I laughed a lot. So much, in fact, I thought I'd bore you with 'funny' facts before bed:

Twitter has more users thank Facebook. 'Cause Twitter is for bored celebs everyone wants to follow.

Nothing rhymes with purple.

Lady Jane Grey was queen of England for nine days before she was executed by Mary I.

They don't make square loo roll holders, probably.

I just spilled water down my shirt.


	11. ReVeNgE, na na na na na na na na

**Chloe's belated Christmas present.**

**An anon. review thank you:**

**maggie: that's okay, I'm glad you pointed it out.**

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Day Twenty One: Tuesday 7:37 PM

Uh oh here we go turn up the radio, come on everybody, to the nth degree!

Twenty cookies to anyone who can correctly guess the name of the band that plays that song.

We have had the best two days EVER! Ohmigosh, I can't believe it…

On Monday morning we got a knock at the door and because I was up searching for bacon to fry I answered it.

I was greeted by a redheaded girl with freckles and witchy green eyes, sporting a blue Chanel clutch that may or may not have been fake and – get this – a bikini which she informed me was Juicy Couture. It was mostly made of frills and not much else. I am not kidding. It was blue. Oh, and she had on a pair of very high black velvet studded platforms and a faux leather jacket. My toast had elegantly fallen out of my mouth when I saw her because I genuinely thought a prostitute had rolled up to the wrong number.

Oh no.

It was much worse.

"Hi, is this, like, the Martinez residence? Are you Ella?" I nodded mutely, unsure as to whether or not I should call cops. What did a hooker want with me? "Great, can I come in, thanks, great place you've got here, I just love the-"

"Max, are you going down to the mall today? 'Cause Gazzy needs-" Fang had been hurrying down the stairs pulling on a shirt but he stopped when he saw the hoochie mama standing on Mom's 'Welcome Home' mat that Angel had decorated with the words 'Get Out While You Can'.

It was still pretty early (around seven) and my brain hadn't engaged itself, so I went "Do you two know each other?" At the same moment the girl said,

"Nick! It's so great to see you! Or should I call you Fang now?"

Then the penny dropped.

It was her.

Max's least favourite person in the world after her dad.

The Red-Haired Wonder.

My first thought was 'How did she get this address?' followed by 'You idiot, the blog!' then, 'Your address isn't on the Internet!'

Except it turns out it doesn't have to be. Lissa's dad owns Mom's favourite clothing catalogue and Lissa used the company records to find out where 'Martinez, Dr. Valencia', resides.

But, dear readers, Mom's shopping habits were the least of my worries as Lissa arrived, because as she spoke the Chanel bag was tossed to the floor - and so was Fang because she _jumped _on him.

No joke.

Whack.

Oof.

Lissa was sitting on Fang's stomach, Fang was squashed between Lissa and the stairs, and the rest of the flock was on the landing above, looking down.

Oh my God, I was scared. So was Fang, actually. You know how he is the one who teaches us all to never take anyone's crap and to fight back harder, etc.? Well, Lissa must have really shocked him because he just lay there wheezing, "Get… Off… Me… Please…"

"Did you _hear_ him? He told you to get off."

Max had weaved her way through the flock and down the stairs and was staring at the Red-Haired Wonder like she was a three-day old dead rat manifesting its rotting corpse in her sock drawer. Lissa, however, was staring at Fang as though he was the reincarnation of Jesus and didn't pay attention to Max's 'eff off' expression. Which, I may add, has made stronger men quake in their boots like it's the apocalypse.

So you can tell why Max, as Fang choked on air and Lissa _ran her hands down his skinny jeans, _lost her temper. This girl had not only irked Max in the past, but now she had nosed down our mother's private details, house-crashed, leaped on her boyfriend while wearing a bikini and high heels and was now killing said boyfriend by crushing most of his upper body. Max was pissed.

And everyone knew it except Lissa.

"Ig, pass me that bucket." Max said, not taking her eyes away from Fang and Lissa for a moment. Iggy, who had acquired a pail full of – actually, no one was sure what was inside. Which was why we all held our breath as Max grasped the bucket by the handle, swung it back and forth a couple times to gain momentum, then –

SPLASH!

"Argh!"

It was cold, soapy, slightly slimy water that had been in the boys' bathroom sink for a while because they hadn't been able to get the tampon out of the plughole.

Take that, Lisssssaaaaa!

My hands are starting to ache now, so I'm going to get some water and play with Angel before I write part two of this exciting saga.

8:02 PM

Angel is in bed but Iggy's not so we had a deep and meaningful conversation about the MC Hammer.

So, back to the L. Scenario, as it will henceforth be referred to. L. shrieked, hands over her face, sobbing loudly, thrown backwards by the force of Max's bucket-swing. She landed (and I'm not sorry to say we all laughed) on her backside, legs in the air. I'm sure if you were a guy it was a great view, but even the most manly among us had trouble getting an eyeful because L.'s legs were making windmill movements in the air and we were all doubled over laughing.

Revenge.

Who said it had to be in a dish?

By the way, when I said the other day that I wasn't sure what Chuck Taylors hung on a power line meant, I wasn't kidding. If any of you know…

Moving on with the story!

Max got L. by her wrists, hauled her off Fang (who also got a bit wet) and said, in a baddie-style voice, "Get. Out."

L. didn't need telling twice! She was up, twisting her ankle on those obnoxious shoes and out the door before you could say, "The Red-Haired Wonder has been defeated once again!"

Nudge (who I'd always thought to have a nice gene) threw her bag after her, yelling, "Don't forget to take Dr. M.'s name off your daddy's catalogue order!"

"I never liked their elitist sizes anyway," Mom sniffed, and everyone stared at L.'s retreating form for a second before cracking up laughing.

But that there was Monday's highlights.

Let me tell you about TODAY. To get right into the mood of today, you have to listen to _Longview_ by Green Day. Punk's not dead, dude.

On Monday evening someone (I forget who) said it would be funny if we had a pool party, just us, Christine and Lorraine, whom the flock have been IM-ing permanently since they met them. When I say the flock, I mean Iggy, Angel and Nudge. Iggy really likes Lorraine. They'd make such a great couple; they're both tall with orange hair.

So I rang around and the girls could come today, which was awesome because procrastinating is not something Max is famous for. Christine brought over her massive blow-up paddling pool, which actually belongs to her younger brothers, aged eight and six. We filled it up real quick and threw on our swimwear (Maximum secretly glad we bought her that tankini), then the flock took turns diving in, with Angel sunbathing underwater. Don't worry, we gave her SPF 50.

Iggy and Fang had rigged a stereo we found in the garage up to the veranda, Mom got some deckchairs and sun loungers from the attic and everything was relaxed, messing about or sleeping until Gazzy tipped the ice cubes from the lemonade jug onto… Max's back.

Y'ouch.

You know what happened, don't you? Yes, you do. I'm going to tell you anyway, though. Max shot upwards, grabbed a fistful of strawberries I'd been sharing with Nudge and _threw _them at the Gasman, pelting them at him from fifty feet in the sky!

You also know what happened after that, which was a food fight between… Well, I'm not sure who was pelting food at whom, but everyone (including Mom and Magnolia) got bits of summer fruit in their hair. We washed ourselves off with the hose (freeeezzzzing!) and Mom let us go to the mall with old band t-shirts over our swimwear. No, I didn't know Mom had old band t-shirts either. But she likes the Stones and Iron Maiden. I am not making this up.

The flock, Lorraine, Christine and I walked into town, singing crappy songs they use on adverts laughing at Max and Fang, who were _finally _acting like a couple. Since Vegas they hadn't really been, you know, too mushy-gushy, but they were holding hands and everything.

Young love, awww…

**Comments**

Max_R: Excuse me, what?

Fang: I dunno.

I'mNotToto: You two need to get married.

V0iCE: No, they don't. They are fifteen.

BlondeAndBeaming: They are?! When were their birthdays? It would be so sweet if they were born on the same day! Oh, and I love that tutu you guys bought me! It fits so well! I just have to be careful not to grow anymore…

Gazz: You're welcome, little sis. Thanks for the comics, dudes. Max, you know you secretly adore the desert scarf we got you, even if it is all purple-y.

NuDgE: She does, she can use it to strangle Ig when he uses his new science kit to explode her pillow. Thanks for the hair tips, Christine!

Christeeen: My pleasure…

PyrosRule: I won't explode her pillow, I will explode her Converse. Shut up about Lorraine, Ella. I know where you live.

Lisssssaaaaa: So do I!

Dr.M: No. You. Don't.

Lisssssaaaaa: No I don't.

* * *

**I think there're going to be fifteen chapters in this story - four more to write. I have some ideas, like an open-air concert, fireworks and possibly a visit from a crazy relative. Please review with ideas and suggestions! Also, twenty (non-existent) cookies and a mention in the story for whoever knows the name of the band that sings the song that was at the beginning of the chapter.**

**Thanks!**


	12. Why Can't My Relatives Be Rockstars!

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Day Twenty Two: Wednesday 4:02 PM

Oh, me gawd.

I cannot believe it.

We will have a house guest.

One who isn't a mutant hybrid or a teenage fangirl or my friend.

It is worse than that.

It is my grandmother.

I know what you're thinking. Grandmothers are sweet, baking cookies and knitting cardigans, always telling you that you look nice in your new boots and denim skirt. Not this grandmother. This one is a cross between Clarisse Renaldo of _The Princess_ _Diaries _and Grandma from _George's Marvellous Medicine._ A well-dressed, chain smoking, maggoty old lady known to me as Granny.

You're also thinking that I should love this aged relative, who will probably be dead soon, and won't she tell me off for being rude to her in front of hundreds of people?

No, she won't. She is a technophobe to the extreme she won't taste my mother's cookies on basis "They were baked in an oven." Although that may actually be because she hates my mother purely because she married her son, my currently deceased father, Granny's only child. This makes me her only grandchild, but she only visits us at three-year intervals due to her "hatred of long-distance travel". She lives in Phoenix! She could get on a bus! It is cheap because she is a senior citizen! Mom and I even could visit her (although we don't, because Granny refused to acknowledge Mom as her daughter-in-law, blamed her for Dad's car accident and didn't speak to her at his funeral)! I tell you, Max is lucky she is only my half sister. My dad was awesome, but his ma is not. Neither Mom nor I have ever met his dad, who died of brain cancer twenty-five years ago, but he was a freaking saint for putting up with Granny for as long as he did. Now I come to think of it, she probably gave him brain cancer.

Getting back to the point, Granny has decided to pay us a visit for a few days or so. She never gives us any more than a week's notice that she is coming, she will bring her cigarettes and her hair curlers _and she will not like the flock_.

Mom has long refused to be all "But she's your grandmother and she'll be dead soon so tidy your room before she comes", although she does put her foot down on our requests to give her ashtrays a cleanse with paraffin. So, we're going to spend the next two days (she'll be here Friday morning) in fear. And anger. Trepidation. Antipathy.

Argh.

**Comments**

NuDgE: It's okay, Ella, we've faced worse people than Granny and come out alive.

PyrosRule: Totally. And what sort of a name is Granny?! She sounds like an elderly Nazi. Don't let her near the cookie dough, guys.

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Day Twenty Three: Thursday 4:02 PM

Shout out to TARDIS Queen and SeekDreamsAndFindHope who knew that the song I wrote about on Tuesday is called _Nth Degree_ and is by Morningwood. You get cookies.

While I'm on the subject of comments, I got one, on Tuesday as well, that said that Iggy's hair is strawberry blond, not orange. It's orange when he sets it on fire, .nudge!

Anyway, I'm sure there was something I wanted to talk about, but I've forgotten what it was. Oh yeah: Total and Akila are coming back from Paris this evening. I wonder if they'l have a tan? Can dogs get tans? I should know this as I want to be a vet…

To welcome the newlyweds home we're going to have a movie marathon in the shape of the one, the only, the British legend that is….

*drums*

James Bond.

Oh yeah. The girls are wearing dresses, the boys' tuxes, and we will _so_ take the crap out of Fang and Iggy by singing the _Scouting For Girls song I Wish I Was James Bond_. YouTube it now. Because we're running a bit tight for money after the wedding (there are eight people in this house, and six of them eat too much), everyone's going to wear the outfits we did for the wedding, but with extra sparkle. That's what we've been doing all day; taking up hemlines, adjusting bust lines, persuading Max she _wants _to show more cleavage.

**Comments**

FlyHighInTheSky: I absolutely love the JB movies! You have got to all speak in British accents, okay?

Not_A_Cutter: Oh, how I wish I WAS James Bond…

NuDgE: I think we've done a magnificent job worthy of the late Alexander McQueen *sob* and he would be proud, Ella.

I'mNotToto: Please don't forget to buy extra dog food, Dr. M.

Dr.M: I already went to the store!

V0iCE: I adore JB movies! Can I come? (Though I mean Jonas Brothers, not James Bond.)

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Day Twenty Four: Friday 10:08 PM

Okay, what's happened since the last time I blogged? Ooh, only MOST OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT.

Or do I mean THE DESTRUCTION OF MOST OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT?

I'm running on four hours of sleep here, bear with me.

Total and Akila arrived home with Betty at about six yesterday, and spent dinner telling us all the amazing things they did in France – boat trips on the Seine, candlelit dinners in cafés, trips to the Notre Dame to see Quasimodo, pots and pots of hot chocolate, coffee and croissants in the art district, the usual honeymoon stuff that usually makes people want to barf. Thank God it's months until Valentine's Day.

Akila curled up and went to sleep while everyone got into their disco gear, Mom paid Betty, who seemed a little airplane-bar drunk (and incredibly tired with interpreting Total's constant 'Akila Demands', as she calls them). Everyone looked _fabulous_, mainly thanks to Nudge and I's handiwork. We have decided to start a clothing label.

We sat and drank punch, which Iggy tried to spike, but Mom caught him out and banned him from going near the drinks cabinet ever again. We listened to _Diamonds are Forever_, _I Wish I Was James_ _Bond_ and _Another Way to Die_, as well as that dodgy Madonna track. As the evening went on, both televisions got used - one for one movie, the other for another, which served as great background noise after the dancing that had gone on to the aforementioned compilation. Gazzy and Angel can _move_. Nudge, Mom and I sat around discussing clothes and celebrities. Didn't I tell you Mom is the best mother in the world? She is. Mess with her and I will make your life incredibly painful. It turns out that for all her girliness, Nudge quite likes dangerous boys. I am not making this up, she fancies the bassist from Fall Out Boy. Or was it the one from My Chemical Romance? Or Green Day? I forget.

So, blog, that was Thursday evening. We went to bed at around one, when we'd managed to stop teasing Max and Fang, who were being mushy again. I won't elaborate.

Friday morning, however, was a completely different kettle of fish. Pot of dogs. Crate of bird kids, whatever. The doorbell rang at six. SIX. IN THE FRACKIN' MORNING.

It was Granny.

*gasp*

She was armed, as usual, with a bad thing to say about Magnolia – "That dog stinks." – a rude word about me – "Haven't you left home yet?" and a blatant dismissal of Mom – "Clearly, Valencia, your mangy animal shelter is failing in the recession. Your roof is virtually falling down." Actually, Granny, that was the flock's dive-bombing.

Of course, once she had dumped her lurid flowery cases in the hallway, plonked an ashtray on the coffee table (she didn't want her ash to grace our Wal-Mart trays) and lit a cigarette, she noticed the flock, who were standing stoically in the living room, giving Granny the old hawk-eye. Literally.

"So," Granny puffed, not intimidated in the slightest by the (very tall and imposing, even when exhausted) flock, or their dogs, "_You're_ the infamous flock who've been in the news so much. Tell me, do you really have wings, or is that just another elaborate hoax to put money into your filthy back pockets?" In reply, every one of the flock moved forward and snapped out their wings. Not to their full potential, as they wouldn't fit, but pretty dang far.

Granny freaked out.

For at least three seconds. It may not sound like much, but she walked in on Mom and Dad making out once and only paused for a moment before saying, "Be safe, I don't want any waster grandchildren." I came along nine months later. When I was ten, I discovered a pack of tampons in Granny's bathroom, coloured them in with my gel pens and stuck them up my nose. She told me to put the packet back in the cupboard when I was finished, without batting an eyelid. What I never told her was that I also discovered Viagra.

So Granny was silent for three seconds, then yelled, "Valencia! Bring me some tea! Not that awful stuff you like, either, but the chamomile brand in my handbag. And you two boys, the tall one and the Goth, take my bags upstairs and put them in the guest bedroom."

Iggy and Fang blinked at Granny, then went out into the hall, took a suitcase each and lugged them up the stairs.

Since then, dear readers, we have been tiptoeing around the house, whispering and making snide comments about Granny's dress sense. The flock went for a long flight this afternoon, while Granny was napping, and Mom and I walked the dogs and had quality mom-daughter time… basically bitching about the in-laws. Granny's watching some dodgy movie right now in the boys' room (we vacuumed and turned it into the guest bedroom, so the guys are in with us for a bit. Hopefully not long, Iggy snores) and I'm going to go to bed.

Happy evening.

**Comments**

BlondeAndBeaming: Oh God, she's crazy. I can read her thoughts. She wants to take Fang's shirt off nearly as much as Lissa did.

Lisssssaaaaa: I resent that.

Fang: What is with the obsession with taking my clothes off?!

Max_R: You know you secretly love it.

Fang: You know YOU secretly love it.

Dr.M: Take it outside, kids. And remember to be safe.

Gazz: Ewwwww!

PyrosRule: I second that emotion. Can we blow up Granny's curlers? Or better, her? I DON'T snore, Ella… Anyway, I'm awake now and you're the one falling asleep… drooling.

Christeeen: You know, she might just be a vile old witch because she's lonely, or hung up over something that happened years ago. Why does she resent your mom, if she made your dad happy? Why hasn't she given up smoking, does she see a therapist? Should she see a therapist? Can you tell I want to study psychology?!

Max_R: Nah.

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**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Twenty Five: Saturday 1:35 PM

Oh help.

I can't believe it. My brain cannot process this!

How on Earth did a bunch of cosplayers end up blowing a family secret?!

WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?

**Comments**

LorraineHeartsBacktotheFuture: Was it the amount of times you've copied my science homework?

Christeeen: Or borrowed my lunch?

Ella: Not helping, guys.


	13. Clearly, It'd Be Too Hard

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**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Twenty Five: Saturday 11:06 PM

Weirdest. Day. Ever.

I guess you probably want to know, so I'll start at the very beginning, which I hear is a good checkpoint.

One of the only good things about Granny is that she sleeps like a fossil after traveling, so we were all up and about this morning while she was still dreaming of… whatever she dreams about… I don't want to speculate. Anyway, Fang and Angel were cleaning the kitchen, Max and Nudge the lounge, Gasman and I the hallway, Iggy and Mom the bathroom. We decided to leave the bedroom blitz until Granny had departed, as we'd probably need power tools.

Gazzy had flown up to the ceiling and was dusting the picture rails and the lights, as I straightened the ornaments and photos on the walls (there is an awesome collage up, I can tell you… hard work!) when the doorbell rang. It was about nine in the morning, so I figured we had a delivery or something, so as I yelled for the dogs to stay back, I opened the door to reveal a sight that was not nearly as scary as Lissa but just as disturbing.

Have you ever seen a cosplayer, reader? If you like manga, anime or comics, you probably have. Ever been to Comic Con? Star Wars convention? Then you've seen cosplay. You haven't lived until you've seen someone dressed as Chewbacca.

These cosplayers weren't _The New Hope_-esque, though. They weren't even James Bond. They were flock cosplayers. There was a short Max, an emo Fang complete with bondage pants, a Nudge with braces, Gasman with thick-rimmed glasses, Iggy with sight (and blue contact lenses) and Angel complete with a tutu, which was the most accurate representation of any flock member. They even had a Total, though he was a she, and a poodle. I tried not to be disappointed that there wasn't an Ella, but I guess you can't have everything, and life has been pretty sweet to me recently. Did I mention this blog has more average hits a day than Fang's Blog? Hellz yea, in ya face, Fang. Change your name to Toothpick while you still can.

I'm getting off topic again.

I freaked out when I saw the not-flock, and yelled for everyone to come and see, this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Gazzy, who was right before me, belched in delight and tackled his doppelganger in a hug, while everyone crowded around and was like, "OMFG, this is so surreal!" at least, that's what Iggy said.

In hindsight, I should have realized that Max and Fang weren't there, and that they should have been. But no, I had to pet the poodle, whose name is Tigger, and not even alert Mom that they'd failed to come to the door.

"What _is _this racket? Why has nobody brought me my tea? Why can't you keep your adolescent voices down, I was asleep don't you know – Oh my goodness." Granny had emerged and pushed her way though the scrum to the cosplayers, where she stopped dead. Her hair still in curlers with her night cream on, I can safely say Granny was a sight… But as strange as we found her, it was nothing as to what she found the not-flock. I guess I forgot to mention they all had wings. Not as large as the real flock's wings, but there were enough feathers put together so well that Granny, without her contact lenses, really thought they were the flock… and that the actual flock had been cloned. I know, we know, that it's happened before, but Granny only reads old-lady magazines so she didn't… Which is why, after she'd stopped and stood as still as a tree for five seconds, she freaked out.

I'm aware that the rating on this blog is T, which is why I won't type out what Granny shrieked as she fled up the stairs, dressing-gown billowing out behind her like a grandmother bat. Let's just say Mom cringed and covered up Gazzy and Angel's ears, while the not-flock's mouths hit the floor. Where did such an old woman learn such foul language?!

However, dear reader, we both know that this is not the end of this mini-epic.

Granny sprinted up the stairs as if Iggy had strapped a jetpack to her butt and banged open the nearest door, which happened to be my room. Where Max and Fang were making out against a wall. To imagine what Granny sounded like when she screamed you have to pretend you are a dog whistle plugged into an amplifier, set on high and blasted out through a megaphone. Neighbours half a mile away have visited to complain.

In fact, it was so bad I'm not even going to try to type out what it sounded like. It would injure the screen. All you need to know is that the screech lasted a good minute and Granny only paused for breath long enough to gather her thoughts. Then she started yelling, eyes twitching, and said something like this:

"THIS IS A HEATHEN HOUSEHOLD AND IF MY ARTHUR WERE ALIVE TO SEE THIS HE'D HAVE PUT A STOP TO IT YEARS AGO! YOU ARE LIVING IN APPALLING PORNOGRAPHIC CONDITIONS, BUT IT'S NOT A SURPRISE, IS IT, VALENCIA, YOU'RE SUCH A SLUT YOU DON'T CARE! YOUR DAUGHTERS ARE CLEARLY JUST AS BAD AND HEADING DOWN THE SAME ROUTE YOU DID, SO ELLA IS CUT OUT OF MY WILL! I'LL BE DAMNED IF A DIME OF MY MONEY GOES TO HER! SHE'LL END UP WORKING IN A STRIP CLUB IN NEW JERSEY WITH SIX CHILDREN BY EX-CONS, AND YOU'LL JUST ENCOURAGE HER TO GET IT UP WITH WHOEVER'LL PAY, WON'T YOU, VALENCIA, BECAUSE IT'LL RUN IN THE FAMILY! OH, HAVEN'T YOU TOLD THEM, VALENCIA? THOUGHT YOU'D LET THAT SECRET DIE WITH JAMES, DIDN'T YOU, AND NEVER BOTHER TELLING ANYONE THAT THE ONLY REASON YOU GOT INTO VET SCHOOL WAS BECAUSE JAMES AND HIS DRUNK FRIENDS PAID TO HAVE YOU FEEL THEM UP! WELL THIS IS IT! I DON'T CARE WHAT SORT OF FREAK SHOW YOU'RE RUNNING, OR IF YOU THINK YOU'RE SAVING THE WORLD BY HOUSING DIRTY SCOUNDRELS, BIT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A POOR STRIPPER FROM MEXICO CITY TRYING TO RUIN MY FAMILY!"

Excuse me, but I've never even _been_ to New Jersey.

"So, Valencia, thank you for your hospitality, but no thank you. I'm getting a taxi back to Phoenix immediately. I have had enough."

Granny huffed back up the stairs, carefully ignoring my bedroom, grabbed her cases one by one and _threw _them down the stairs one by one. A piece of the banister is broken.

I don't quite know why – maybe it was the fact that she'd called my mother a slut, implied that my sister and brother were in a porno, perhaps it was years of being pushed around purely because I existed, but suddenly _I _had had enough too.

"No, Granny." I said quietly, looking the old woman straight in the eye. "You aren't leaving here until you've apologised to Mom for calling her a slut. You aren't leaving until you've handed back the ashtray that's in your pocket and told the flock that you're sorry for calling them a freak show. I don't want any of your money, but we are going to send you the bill for the repair work to the stairs, and you are going to send us a cheque. You are no longer going to come and stay in my parents' house whenever you feel like it: if we want you here we will invite you. You will never again refer to my mother or her family by derogatory names either. If she was good enough for your precious son and your husband, she's good enough for a lonely elderly lady who clearly has a complex about family relationships."

Shaking slightly, Granny reached inside her coat pocket and pulled out the glass ashtray that had been sitting on the coffee table since her visit, and muttered in a hollow voice, "I'm sorry I called you a slut, Valencia, and I'm sorry that I called you kids a freak show. Mail me the bill as soon as it arrives."

There was a dead silence as Granny turned around, picked up all of her cases and hauled them out the front door, past the cosplayers, who were nonplussed, and onto the street, where she hailed a cab and clearly paid him to step on the gas.

I'm pretty sure we've had the last laugh, though. Iggy just told me that he and Gasman poured green hair dye into Granny's tea tree shampoo yesterday.

**Comments**

Christeeen: OMFG I knew there was something dodgy going on! Not with your mother, Ella, obviously, but with Granny's mental health. Her eyes twitch?! Hahaha!

Lisssssaaaaa: Like, wow. I am lost for words.

Not_A_Cutter: I bet you are. Don't worry, Dr M, we still love you even if you broke a Commandment or two.

Samzurman: Or three or four.

Dr.M: Thank you, children.

* * *

***dramatic gasp* Betcha didn't see that one coming. I sure didn't!**

**Reviews, people. If you give me ideas for the FINAL TWO CHAPTERS, I'll stop using non-existent or Mindless Self Indulgence lyrics for chapter titles.**

**To the anonymous reviewer who told me I was weird, I thank you very much. Next time can you add something about the story? Thx ttyl lol xo, in the words of a fangirl.**


	14. My Tactlessness Is Amazing, Even To Max

**You are visiting Ella's Blog: Summer Vacation with the Flock. Welcome!**

**Hits: 3521**

**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Twenty Five: Saturday 11:06 PM

Weirdest. Day. Ever.

I guess you probably want to know, so I'll start at the very beginning, which I hear is a good checkpoint.

One of the only good things about Granny is that she sleeps like a fossil after traveling, so we were all up and about this morning while she was still dreaming of… whatever she dreams about… I don't want to speculate. Anyway, Fang and Angel were cleaning the kitchen, Max and Nudge the lounge, Gasman and I the hallway, Iggy and Mom the bathroom. We decided to leave the bedroom blitz until Granny had departed, as we'd probably need power tools.

Gazzy had flown up to the ceiling and was dusting the picture rails and the lights, as I straightened the ornaments and photos on the walls (there is an awesome collage up, I can tell you… hard work!) when the doorbell rang. It was about nine in the morning, so I figured we had a delivery or something, so as I yelled for the dogs to stay back, I opened the door to reveal a sight that was not nearly as scary as Lissa but just as disturbing.

Have you ever seen a cosplayer, reader? If you like manga, anime or comics, you probably have. Ever been to Comic Con? Star Wars convention? Then you've seen cosplay. You haven't lived until you've seen someone dressed as Chewbacca.

These cosplayers weren't _The New Hope_-esque, though. They weren't even James Bond. They were flock cosplayers. There was a short Max, an emo Fang complete with bondage pants, a Nudge with braces, Gasman with thick-rimmed glasses, Iggy with sight (and blue contact lenses) and Angel complete with a tutu, which was the most accurate representation of any flock member. They even had a Total, though he was a she, and a poodle. I tried not to be disappointed that there wasn't an Ella, but I guess you can't have everything, and life has been pretty sweet to me recently. Did I mention this blog has more average hits a day than Fang's Blog? Hellz yea, in ya face, Fang. Change your name to Toothpick while you still can.

I'm getting off topic again.

I freaked out when I saw the not-flock, and yelled for everyone to come and see, this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Gazzy, who was right before me, belched in delight and tackled his doppelganger in a hug, while everyone crowded around and was like, "OMFG, this is so surreal!" at least, that's what Iggy said.

In hindsight, I should have realized that Max and Fang weren't there, and that they should have been. But no, I had to pet the poodle, whose name is Tigger, and not even alert Mom that they'd failed to come to the door.

"What _is _this racket? Why has nobody brought me my tea? Why can't you keep your adolescent voices down, I was asleep don't you know – Oh my goodness." Granny had emerged and pushed her way though the scrum to the cosplayers, where she stopped dead. Her hair still in curlers with her night cream on, I can safely say Granny was a sight… But as strange as we found her, it was nothing as to what she found the not-flock. I guess I forgot to mention they all had wings. Not as large as the real flock's wings, but there were enough feathers put together so well that Granny, without her contact lenses, really thought they were the flock… and that the actual flock had been cloned. I know, we know, that it's happened before, but Granny only reads old-lady magazines so she didn't… Which is why, after she'd stopped and stood as still as a tree for five seconds, she freaked out.

I'm aware that the rating on this blog is T, which is why I won't type out what Granny shrieked as she fled up the stairs, dressing-gown billowing out behind her like a grandmother bat. Let's just say Mom cringed and covered up Gazzy and Angel's ears, while the not-flock's mouths hit the floor. Where did such an old woman learn such foul language?!

However, dear reader, we both know that this is not the end of this mini-epic.

Granny sprinted up the stairs as if Iggy had strapped a jetpack to her butt and banged open the nearest door, which happened to be my room. Where Max and Fang were making out against a wall. To imagine what Granny sounded like when she screamed you have to pretend you are a dog whistle plugged into an amplifier, set on high and blasted out through a megaphone. Neighbours half a mile away have visited to complain.

In fact, it was so bad I'm not even going to try to type out what it sounded like. It would injure the screen. All you need to know is that the screech lasted a good minute and Granny only paused for breath long enough to gather her thoughts. Then she started yelling, eyes twitching, and said something like this:

"THIS IS A HEATHEN HOUSEHOLD AND IF MY ARTHUR WERE ALIVE TO SEE THIS HE'D HAVE PUT A STOP TO IT YEARS AGO! YOU ARE LIVING IN APPALLING PORNOGRAPHIC CONDITIONS, BUT IT'S NOT A SURPRISE, IS IT, VALENCIA, YOU'RE SUCH A SLUT YOU DON'T CARE! YOUR DAUGHTERS ARE CLEARLY JUST AS BAD AND HEADING DOWN THE SAME ROUTE YOU DID, SO ELLA IS CUT OUT OF MY WILL! I'LL BE DAMNED IF A DIME OF MY MONEY GOES TO HER! SHE'LL END UP WORKING IN A STRIP CLUB IN NEW JERSEY WITH SIX CHILDREN BY EX-CONS, AND YOU'LL JUST ENCOURAGE HER TO GET IT UP WITH WHOEVER'LL PAY, WON'T YOU, VALENCIA, BECAUSE IT'LL RUN IN THE FAMILY! OH, HAVEN'T YOU TOLD THEM, VALENCIA? THOUGHT YOU'D LET THAT SECRET DIE WITH JAMES, DIDN'T YOU, AND NEVER BOTHER TELLING ANYONE THAT THE ONLY REASON YOU GOT INTO VET SCHOOL WAS BECAUSE JAMES AND HIS DRUNK FRIENDS PAID TO HAVE YOU FEEL THEM UP! WELL THIS IS IT! I DON'T CARE WHAT SORT OF FREAK SHOW YOU'RE RUNNING, OR IF YOU THINK YOU'RE SAVING THE WORLD BY HOUSING DIRTY SCOUNDRELS, BIT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A POOR STRIPPER FROM MEXICO CITY TRYING TO RUIN MY FAMILY!"

Excuse me, but I've never even _been_ to New Jersey.

"So, Valencia, thank you for your hospitality, but no thank you. I'm getting a taxi back to Phoenix immediately. I have had enough."

Granny huffed back up the stairs, carefully ignoring my bedroom, grabbed her cases one by one and _threw _them down the stairs one by one. A piece of the banister is broken.

I don't quite know why – maybe it was the fact that she'd called my mother a slut, implied that my sister and brother were in a porno, perhaps it was years of being pushed around purely because I existed, but suddenly _I _had had enough too.

"No, Granny." I said quietly, looking the old woman straight in the eye. "You aren't leaving here until you've apologised to Mom for calling her a slut. You aren't leaving until you've handed back the ashtray that's in your pocket and told the flock that you're sorry for calling them a freak show. I don't want any of your money, but we are going to send you the bill for the repair work to the stairs, and you are going to send us a cheque. You are no longer going to come and stay in my parents' house whenever you feel like it: if we want you here we will invite you. You will never again refer to my mother or her family by derogatory names either. If she was good enough for your precious son and your husband, she's good enough for a lonely elderly lady who clearly has a complex about family relationships."

Shaking slightly, Granny reached inside her coat pocket and pulled out the glass ashtray that had been sitting on the coffee table since her visit, and muttered in a hollow voice, "I'm sorry I called you a slut, Valencia, and I'm sorry that I called you kids a freak show. Mail me the bill as soon as it arrives."

There was a dead silence as Granny turned around, picked up all of her cases and hauled them out the front door, past the cosplayers, who were nonplussed, and onto the street, where she hailed a cab and clearly paid him to step on the gas.

I'm pretty sure we've had the last laugh, though. Iggy just told me that he and Gasman poured green hair dye into Granny's tea tree shampoo yesterday.

**Comments**

Christeeen: OMFG I knew there was something dodgy going on! Not with your mother, Ella, obviously, but with Granny's mental health. Her eyes twitch?! Hahaha!

Lisssssaaaaa: Like, wow. I am lost for words.

Not_A_Cutter: I bet you are. Don't worry, Dr M, we still love you even if you broke a Commandment or two.

Samzurman: Or three or four.

Dr.M: Thank you, children.

* * *

***dramatic gasp* Betcha didn't see that one coming. I sure didn't!**

**Reviews, people. If you give me ideas for the FINAL TWO CHAPTERS, I'll stop using non-existent or Mindless Self Indulgence lyrics for chapter titles.**

**To the anonymous reviewer who told me I was weird, I thank you very much. Next time can you add something about the story? Thx ttyl lol xo, in the words of a fangirl.**


	15. Indigestion Awaits, So Does the Skyline

**You are visiting Ella's Blog: Summer Vacation with the Flock. Welcome!**

**Hits: 6789**

**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Twenty Nine: Wednesday 4:09 AM

'Cause I'm just a teenage dirtbag, baby, listen to Iron Maiden, baby with meeeeeee….

I'm up so early because I woke up in sweats half an hour ago, because the next couple of days are going to be the LAST EVER of Ella's Blog, and I have a bunch of people to thank!

First off, Fabulous Fraternizing, this blog host after Max broke Blogspot. You rock for letting us have such a violent shade of purple for the background!

Next – and I'm going to put it in columns because there are SO MANY of you – those of you who have commented on here over the last month – although, to be honest, I feel like I've been writing on here for at least a year - who I have neglected to mention.

_FREAKTONIGHT_

_Not_all_redheads_r_evil!_

_Libby_

_Bookworm_

_SeekDreamsAndFindHope_

_Vina is Awesome_

_Maximumpotter101_

_Faxnesslover_

_TwiRidePotterGirl_

_Gypsyprincess94_

_Nudge-loves-iggy5304_

_Ivyflightislistening_

_ .sweeter_

_Dreamscholar_

_7andthefluff_

_Samantha Test_

_xXKassie GoodeXx_

_Elle_

_Emgem2000_

_CoolRocker13_

_Yay_

_Googlefish_

_Chocolate-Angel-san_

_Blue Fangs_

_EverPrettyRose_

_Anonymous_

_Sonya Rivers_

_Dt2009 with Dark Blue Wings_

_God_

_Hannah Brandon 1234321_

_Constant-Rae-of-Sunshine_

_VivaColdplay_

_Maggie_

_Star Starer of Moonlit Skies_

_TARDIS Queen_

_ThunderClouds7_

_ .nudge_

_Fakemaxno.2_

_Diamond Sunshine_

_Lillypad22_

_AbsolutelyMe-LightningGirl-_

_Ninjastar954_

Okay, so columns didn't work. Whatever. You guys are immense, everyone should get a chance to see your screennames.

I'm going back to bed now, panic over. Also I think I have carpal tunnel.

Wait. First we need a list of stuff.

Song of the Summer: _Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini_ by Connie Francis

Food of the Summer: Anything made by Iggy/containing sugar.

Gag of the Summer: "Um, Fang, they're Gazzy's speedos. They aren't supposed to be _that_ tight." – Max.

Film of the Summer: _Grease_. Okay, kill me. It's just so… Happy. And automatic. And systematic. And hydromatic – yes, I will stop now. You're welcome.

Book of the Summer: _Twilight_. We spent a few evenings reading it out loud in funny voices, ad-libbing. Let's just say Eddie the Camp Vamp is much more convincing saying "Bring on the shackles – I'm your prisoner," in a voice like Kurt Hummel's.

**Comments**

FlyHighInTheSky: Good morning.

V0iCE: It's actually evening where I am.

IHeartFang: Me too! Oh my God, I'm in the same time zone as someone's voice….

Broken-Wings: Ella, who's God? I mean, in the comments?

Samzurman: I don't know about God, but I'm a goddamn stud.

* * *

**You are visiting Ella's Blog: Summer Vacation with the Flock. Welcome!**

**Hits: 7654**

**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Twenty Nine: Wednesday 8:17 PM

It's so boring, but today Mom and I got the flock ready to leave. We bought them new heavy-duty camping rucksacks and gear, got everyone fitted for new shoes, bought new and resilient clothes that are thermals so hypothetically work in all temperatures (I think). Everyone cleaned the house, packed up everything, threw out the crap that's been manifesting in various sock drawers, made Total apologise for leaving, ahem, mess, in Iggy's pillow and did last-minute washing. My ears are sore from machine and tumble dryer that have been going all day.

I know, it's sad that we haven't done much on the penultimate day, but Mom assures me it's good in the long run. We don't want the flock to starve to death, so we have stocked up on energy bars and Pot Noodle. They need to wash, so we got them toiletry bags that shouldn't explode in midair and shower New England in soap suds.

We're all going to get early nights now, because tomorrow will be AMAZING. I promise.

**Comments**

JoJonasAndFang4life: PARTY!

Lisssssaaaaa: Make sure there are pole dancers. You always need pole dancers at a party to make it worthwhile.

Dr.M: There will be no pole dancers.

Fax_Lurver: Lissa, if you like pole dancers so much, are you a lesbian?

ScarzNWingz: Oh, if there is a god, please let L be a lesbian. Even though you don't like homosexual people, according to my atheist mother.

Not_A_Cutter: L isn't a lesbian, she just enjoys watching men get turned on by pole dancers. This is because she is so over the top they never get turned on when looking at her, they just puke. Unless they're really desperate. Or drunk. Or gay and trying to prove they're straight by getting it up with someone who is blatantly a woman because she wears shirts so low and skirts so high the whole outfit is one big belt complete with knee-high plastic boots.

dawgZruleZ: That was low, dude. But I'm a psychologist and I agree.

* * *

**You are visiting Ella's Blog: Summer Vacation with the Flock. Welcome!**

**Hits: 8976**

**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Thirty: Thursday 11:32 PM

News on the Puppy Front: Akila and Total are staying behind when the flock leave because Akila needs Mom's expertise and Total needs to be there when his first children are born. They will have the spare room. Puppy name suggestions have included: Haichiko, Apollo, Pavlov, Laika, Bleka and Strelka. I'm rooting for names after the _Glee_ cast, personally.

I'm sure naming a dog Kurt wouldn't make it gay. Or suicidal.

I'm sorry for all the Kurt references, but if anyone reading this watches _Glee_ they will understand that Mr. Hummel's dress sense is the best of the entire cast and he needs a boyfriend, or at least more screen time.

By the way, Mom has a boyfriend. Not 'boyfriend', she keeps saying, 'colleague'. Whatever. His name is Steve and he works at the vet's. They bonded over giving Akila an ultrasound, or something. That is really odd. Still, something to tell the grandchildren about. "Your papa and I first kissed over a bitch's growing fetuses." I'd love a half brother or sister. It would be nice to have company while the flock are saving the universe. Plus, third time lucky – this child might actually be sane. Max agrees with me.

We threw a party today. Not a college-type party or a funeral party or even a goodbye-party, just a gathering of some people who have shared great times in the past and decided to again, just in case something awful happens and a flock member dies before they get to invade again.

Christine and Lorraine came over with the pool and some water pistols and there was the biggest, most dangerous, aerodynamic water fight the world has ever seen. There was not one inch of dry garden – there was water for two feet into the ground. We know because Gazzy blew up something explosive that, although it made a deep crater, was extinguished immediately by the gloopy mud.

Lunch was a fun affair. It was actually more than lunch: it was an all-day sugar munching festival. Iggy spent the early hours of this morning in the kitchen with some ingredients he and Nudge had hauled home from the store yesterday, and emerged with the LARGEST EFFING CAKE I HAVE EVER LAID EYES ON. It was so impressive it needs a paragraph all of its own to get the point across:

The base layer was the size of an average car tyre. It was coated in thick white whip cream, and was made of six individual cakes glued together with chocolate spread. It tasted like vanilla. The next layer was about the same size but square, stuck on flat like a diamond-y table, covered in multicoloured hundreds and thousands sprinkled onto marshmallows that had been melted so spread onto the square at least two inches thick. I believe that one was mocha flavoured. The final layer was a pyramid the size of a boxing glove, and was striped in rainbow colours. I don't know how Iggy did it, but each stripe tasted of a different fruit while also managing to give us all a sugar rush. We named it Heaven On a Plate.

I can't really sum up what we did today; what would you do if your family was leaving for months, possibly years, and you didn't know if or when you would see them again? We played tag, dive bombed the pool, sat around saying nothing, savouring the moment. For at least twelve hours.

Then, forty five minutes or so ago, Gazzy and Iggy pulled their best stunt so far this year: fireworks! We all had one each, even Total and Akila's unborn puppies, whose display consisted of a huge dog collar backed by sixty foot wings, glowing gold and green, Akila's racing colours. Max's display was a pair of Converse All Star and a road sign pointing to Vegas. Fang's went up at the same time, with an identical sign in the same direction, below a pair of high heels that exploded dramatically, reminding us all of L's lovely visit. Nudge, Angel, Christine, Lorraine and I got hairbrushes and make up, and my personalised one was a violet laptop. The sparks ended with a message from the flock in silver:

'THANKS FOR HAVING US, ARIZONA, WE KNOW WE MADE FAR TOO MUCH NOISE TO BE GOOD NEIGHBOURS…

DON'T FORGET TO TAKE YOUR PETS TO DR. MARTINEZ WHEN THEY GET SICK!

XOXO THE FLOCK

PS THANKS FOR THE FOOD.'

I love those guys so much it hurts. Christine has a video recorder and she captured all of today on film, which she promises will make its way to mine and Lorraine's doorstep very soon. She will email one to the flock too, and I will text them to make sure they check their mail, wherever they are.

How will I text them, I hear you ask…

Well, the girls, Mom and I clubbed together and bought each flock member a cell phone to make sure they keep in touch. Fang and Nudge have made sure they're untraceable and, hopefully, bomb and bullet proof. The flock will defiantly look after them over the next few months because Total is adamant they get hourly updates on Akila's condition.

Oh God.

I can't believe they're leaving tomorrow. I'll miss them so much!

**Comments**

fAx4eVa: We're going to miss your blogs, Ella.

Christeeen: Thank you so much for the cake, Iggy! It's the best thing ever.

Fangalicious: I live in Arizona, and I could see those fireworks from where my house is on the outskirts of Phoenix. They were amazing.

IMustBeWEmo: Not_A_Cutter, I love you. You're a genius. I also like your makeup. And your jeans. And your smile, your laugh, your body… Thank you so much for introducing us, Ella! You saved our lives!

LorraineHeartsBacktotheFuture: I concur with Christine. Don't. Lose. My. Number.

PawsWeekly: From everyone here at _Paws Weekly_, congratulations to Total and Akila, and thank you so much for boosting our stats! Celeb dogs rule! However, we will not become paps. We will respect privacy.

* * *

**You are visiting Ella's Blog: Summer Vacation with the Flock. Welcome!**

**Hits: 9876**

**Date: Sometime during summer vacation.**

Day Thirty One: Friday 9:23 AM

Well, they're gone.

Watching them fly off into the sunset was possibly the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I was crying, Mom was crying, Total was crying. It's harder to tell with Akila, but her ears were down.

I'm so sad! I miss them already! What if one of them gets eaten by a rabid bear or forgets to flap and falls into the Grand Canyon? What if Iggy times a bomb wrong and it blows up all of New York and its surrounding states? I'm so worried.

But I'm inspired too. Those kids have been through so much in their short lives, and the way they all twitch when they sleep is testimony to it. So is the time I got up for the loo at three in the morning and Nudge karate chopped me with her eyes closed, but that's beside the point.

The point is that they are the nicest people I know and we could all learn a lesson or two from them, even if it's just 'learn self-defence'. I started this blog thinking it would be amusing to see how many hits it got, but it's turned into a documentary of the best summer of my life – and yours too, but only if you live on the World Wide Web and have a pet goldfish that you talk to like a person.

I'll stop rambling now and let you get on with summer camp or whatever it is you do…

Oh, and thanks for making this blog larger than Fang's…

Told you I could do it, Fang. You owe me five dollars.

**Comments**

Fang: It's in the post.

PyrosRule: Thank you for the cake paragraph. I was considering making it flame at the top, but if I'd tripped over carrying it there could have been a catastrophe.

BlondeAndBeaming: Total, keep us up to date on those puppies! We're going to come back for the christening, aren't we, guys?

Max_R: Definitely. Thank you for the cookies!

NuDgE: Christine and Lorraine, you are epic. I hope you don't mind that I accidently took your mascara, Lorraine.

Gazz: Nudge, no one can even tell you're wearing mascara, your eyelashes are black already. I will use it as an explosive.

I'mNotToto: Please don't.

* * *

**Thanks for sticking with Ella and I over the past year as I try to salvage a storyline while making shameless My Chemical Romance references. No one should have to put up with those sort of puns.**

**If it pleaseth you to review, kindly do. Even if it doesn't pleaseth you, review anyway and tell me what you think of my writing... I don't mind flames.**

**By the way, there will be no sequel. It would be like _The Black Parade Two_, had it ever existed. A total waste of time and energy that would have ruined the original.**

**Sorry, I couldn't resist one last mention.**

**Thank you all so much for the reviews, alerts and favourites! **

**Happy Star Wars Day... May the Fourth Be With You.**


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